Trapped between 2 worlds

Laughter IS the best medicine

2009-05-15T20:34:00.004-04:00

Truly. Nothing heals the heart and soul like laughter. We have had a ROUGH week. I turned 35, took over daycare for a day (11 kids vs. me= me NOT winning or leaving sane. Until the margaritas flowed.) I caught some kind of bug, and the sun and the moon must be not have been speaking, 'cause they were WAY out of line this week.
But today was one of those days that you felt like you just might be in an alternative universe. When my husband and I first met, we both had great jobs and he had this fantastic apartment. We would have a night in and I'd make a fabulous dinner. Then we'd adjourn the balcony. He lived on the top floor in a very rural town and you could see the stars so clearly. On those magical, relaxing nights, we'd finish dinner and head to what we called "Lottery Land". We'd stand on the balcony and dream up a world that was pretty much untouchable unless you were Donald Trump or Jay Z. But we'd snuggle up, watch the stars and dream of our "perfect world". Manhattan Penthouses, boats big enough to land helicopters; Kitchens to die for.
Despite our crazy schedules, with me working weekends, nights, Holidays, etc., we still managed to have those wonderful nights.

Fast forward 11 years and we have 2 awesome kids. 1 is a small genius. And I don't use that word lightly. The kids a friggin' genius. And my son, a comedian to umpteenth degree. I run a small cake business out of my house, designing, creating and baking cakes. I cater occasionally. I watched the finale of Hell's Kitchen last night and felt that tug. That tug in the stomach of my heart and the heart of my stomach. Fine Food. How I miss being behind the line. For the first time, I truly felt the finalist's deserved to be there. They were both creative, talented and food driven. I felt that urge to jump back into that awesome world. I would lose so much of my children's lives.

There in lies the dilemma. Just before our new President was sworn into office, my husbands company did lay offs. We became a product of the economy. Not just us, but almost everyone we know has been touched in some way. Almost like a cancer.

Onto tonight; I don't think I have laughed SO HARD in a very long time. My neighbor's mother has pneumonia and happened to come out briefly today for some fresh air. My husband was standing on our front porch and yelled over, asking how she was feeling. She's old and Italian and I'm not sure she even answered in the same language....
Anyway, my Husband starts clapping his hands and yelling,"hey, look", and she's saying something along the lines of "I know, I'm sick". As this conversation is taking place, their dog was sneaking out of the gate. My husband finally stops yelling, hops the railing of the deck, and starts running down the road after the dog. IN HIS BIRKENSTOCKS!! The two granddaughters hop in the car and start to follow them. I, in the mean time, and crying I am laughing so hard. His shoes go flying off. He rounds the corner and from there it's seems to only have gotten better from there. He ran into someones yard and as he was getting close to the dog, two teenage boys come out of the house. They stop to watch this crazy guy trying to catch this dog. My husband does this stealth like leap and grabs the dogs collar. The two kids went nuts. Lot's of "dudes" and "nice moves" and "We've NEVER seen ANYONE Ninja smooth catch a dog like that." Okkkkaaaayyy. So my husband starts to trek the dog back to the house and the girls pull up in their car. They were beyond Thankful that he caught their dads dog. They drive back up the street and ask where he wants to be dropped off....."um your driveway is cool, since I ONLY LIVE NEXT DOOR!!" THEN the two of them start to argue about not dropping him off in the HUGE puddle (honestly a small pond, I saw a frog) in front of their house. I can't believe he made it through this without busting out in laughter.
Fast forward to a hour or two later, a shot or two or tequila, some dirt (gardening) therapy, and My wonderful husband retelling this story, in his own comedic way. Maybe you had to there...but for me was,
My very own Lottery Land.

Business is GOOD!

2009-05-02T19:55:00.003-04:00

Check this cake out....I was SO thrilled with how it came out. Check out more pictures at http://www.fortheloveofcakenj.com/

How cool is my kid?

2009-04-17T06:54:00.003-04:00

This morning, all that hair is being donated to Locks of Love. I am so proud! T has wanted to get her hair cut for a while and when she heard about this on the radio, she decided to go. Wmmr in Philly is having an event this morning, and she got a time slot. She's so excited. I have to watch some kids, (we're on Spring Break) so I couldn't go. I trust my husband won't let her get to crazy with the new 'do. Hmmmm, Well, keep your fingers crossed. I'll post after she gets home...New 'do pix!

Update: Here she is! She had so much fun. I am so proud!

Untitled, cause I just don't know what to say

2008-12-19T08:52:00.002-05:00

Wow. It'd been awhile. I've missed my peeps. So much has happened. Where to begin?

Sadly, my sister's fiance died. He lasted a month and 10 days, and then past. My sister put it so perfectly. "The Surreal has become Real". Who does this happen to?! You go in to have surgery and never wake up. The Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda hits you hard.
Sort of takes the life out of you. How can you watch someone go through this, and have no idea how to help them. Time will tell.

I on the other hand, slipped TWICE on the front deck and have only had the use of 1 arm for a few weeks. I sprained/slightly tore my rotators cuff. Fun times. Thankfully it's my left arm, but it still sucks being 1 armed.

I want to wish everyone a Happy and Healthy Holiday season. I'll be back, just taking the time to heal. This year, make sure everyone knows what you mean to them.
You, my blogging peeps, I cherish and miss. Happy Holidays!

Life for what it is. Fragile.

2008-10-21T09:46:00.002-04:00

OK. I'm sitting for the first time in weeks. Not true. I sat for three days straight while doing all the paperwork that comes with the end of a fundraiser. Proudly I can say, since we gave the 10-yr-long, same Yankee candle fundraiser the boot, and went with something different and diverse, we made over $13,000.00. We get a great portion of that and are using the money to plan a (HOPEFULLY) awesome Fall Festival, on Halloween day. We had "take the Halloween, out of Halloween" as the Principal requested, and planned all fall themed things. We have a large group of Cherokee Nation Native Americans and a Chief coming in to do a show, a huge pumpkin patch, made by us, Scarecrow contest, parties, and really nice safety goody bags for the kids for Halloween night. I'm happy to pat myself on the back, because we've all worked really hard, and it's coming together pretty well. I will be BEYOND relieved when it's over.

The Fundraiser explained in great detail to me why I will never have a desk job. TOO. MUCH. PAPER. And a whole lot of other work to go with it. I told the Pres. I did my time and don't even ask for help on the next one. (I know she saw the sucker tattoo on my forehead). I could go on for days about all this crap so here's the gist of it all...Yadda, yadda, yadda, Oh and I'm so happy I took on the Terracycle, wash-out-the-nasty-smelling-Juice-pouches and recycle them program. Just a Tip: You might want to snatch up some stock, from the heavy duty yellow rubber glove company. I just might bring the economy back with that. Nahh...That will take a miracle. Or a man named Obama.

On to sadder news. I'm not going to get into great detail, for the privacy of my sister, but I'll give you the basics.
Monday October 13th, her boyfriend we in to the hospital to have hip replacement surgery. (this was the second try...the first time they realized he was a diabetic and postponed the surgery.) Round 2: He goes in that Monday, they give him a spinal, and twilight sleep anesthesia, rolled him to his side and he flat lined. They had to perform CPR for about a minute and he went right in to ICU in Critical condition, no surgery. That was 9 days ago and he is still in a coma. Not breathing on his own, and when the sedative wears off, there's no response. So, Keep him in your thoughts and prayers. We're really not sure what's going to happen....
We have surrounded my sister with love support and best of all, comfort food. Sometimes, there are just certain foods that make you feel SO. MUCH. BETTER. Mine are my grandmother's macaroni and cheese, Her Codfish and potato balls, scalloped potatoes, and as of this past week, Eggplant Parm. has been added to the list. What makes your heart and body all warm, fuzzy and comforted??

It's worth a try....

2008-09-18T10:12:00.003-04:00

SO school started on the 8th. By the 10th, my youngest was home sick. BY the 11th, I had it too. What a great way to start the first week of school! I'm still fighting the stuffiness, but feeling better. Life has been CRAZY busy. I thought PTO secretary was going to be an easy, little work job, just like last year. Wrong. Being that I am home all day, I get to take care of the majority of the things that need to be done. Just slap a label on me that says PTO 's Bitch.
I have spent everyday, all day this week being all consumed with this stuff. I know it's for the kids, but I wonder if I could get them foot the bill for my vodka intake everyday....they've driven me to that point, why shouldn't they support my new habit?! It's for a could cause people, ME!!!

Isn't this the truth!!!

2008-09-11T20:38:00.002-04:00

A friend sent this to me and I was in tears. I'm sure it's made the rounds, but I couldn't help myself. If anything, it's a good lesson for our daughters right?! How many times has this happened, and with kids in the stall?! Have a Good laugh and a Great weekend!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn , you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someones Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

They're gone!

2008-09-09T10:18:00.003-04:00

The kids started school yesterday and I cried the whole drive home after dropping off my son. He didn't cry at all. He loves preschool so far, and I am happy for that, but I do miss him. My daughter started the 3rd grade and is very excited. In between all that yesterday, I made this:

Some NJ Supreme Court Circuit Judge was retiring, so My Uncle asked me to make this . (He's a judge too.) I'll get a call to day, to see how it was. A little harder then I thought to add all the details. Live and learn right?!

????????

2008-09-05T09:39:00.003-04:00

Can anyone, PLEASE explain this to me?

All but 1 are essentially empty. Husband's excuse is "just in case I run out." What are you going to do SCRAPE the last bit of residue out and spread it on your pits?? If I catch you with items from the kitchen, you'll be banned forever.

COUNT IT DOWN!!

2008-09-03T08:38:00.002-04:00

School starts in 4 days. 4 looong days. The reason we're starting so late is that the school took all the in-service days that are sprinkled throughout the year and put them all at the beginning. Um, Thanks for that. Everyone else is back in school and my kids are bored to tears. I'm also watching the same little girl I did last year. Except this year she's even more bratty. She is a child of an ugly divorce and I should feel sorry for her but I don't. She knows how to play the part very well. She sneaky and conniving and I've heard her more then once, trying to co-erse my son into doing something she knows they're not supposed to be doing. It's been 2 days, and am this close to telling her Dad I can't watch her this year. My daughter can't stand her, and is cranky every morning, because she has to get up and deal with this kid. Oh wait, that's me too.
This is also the guy who would take WEEKS, and at times MONTHS to pay me. I'm stuck here. This year I'll be driving the kids to school in the morning, since my son has to be at preschool the same time the girls bus comes. So parents, what would you do? Do I make him sign a contract? Do I tell him no, I can't do it this year? His other option is the early morning program at school. It would cost him $6. Yup that's it. He just doesn't want to go 1 street out of his way. Grrrrr.....I hate starting off the year this way!!!! HELP! Send Ideas and suggestions!

A little lost....

2008-08-29T16:44:00.003-04:00

My parents picked my kids up yesterday afternoon for a 2 night sleepover. Today, I only had to make some cupcakes, while my husband was at work, and that was about it. What did I do before kids???? I finished a great book that I've only been able to read before bed. But other then that, I was a little lost. What the heck am I going to do with my self when they're both in school? I can only knit so many sweaters....

Weekend update

2008-08-25T09:53:00.004-04:00

This weekend was busy! Friday afternoon I had a 5 hour PTO brainstorming Meeting. WOW! Lots to think about for the upcoming school year. I'm big on promoting "going green" this year. Lots of great recycling programs for the school, that I know in a few weeks, I will regret taking over. But it's for the good of the earth right?!

Onto the electrocution; I left an anonymous message for code enforcement. Two reasons for leaving it anonymous A) the person's house that we were at is on the Town Council. She's also the Top Realtor in our area. I didn't want to start any trouble for her. B) I just want the guy fined and signs put up. I left my number for further questions, but didn't leave my name. I don't mind filing the complaint in my name, but don't want to get the property/homeowner involved. I will let you know what I find out.

Saturday I made these:

The boat was HUGE and fondant rope, yeah, not so easy to make knots out of. The wee baby smash cake was so cute!

This cute little cake was also for a first Birthday and the top tier was her smash cake. I was pretty pleased with them, except for the ropes....live and learn.
We still have 2 weeks before school starts. Everyone is BORED. Everything has been done and done again. So, what to do with them for the next 2 weeks????

It's shocking.

2008-08-21T08:35:00.002-04:00

Late yesterday afternoon, a friend called and asked if we wanted to go fishing at a different lake then ours. I was restless, yet still had a slight headache, but I said yes. We went, sat in the shade and had a really nice 2 hours of fishing. The only thing the kids caught was a turtle, but we could see fish everywhere.
(Side note: If turtle catching were an Olympic sport, my daughter and her friends would own the gold. 19 in 1 day. AND many by hand.)
After we left the lake, we drove down the road to a big old farm house that my friends husband was working on. He was going to meet up with us while we were fishing, so we stopped to tell him we were headed home. Behind the house is a HUGE horse farm. Acres and acres.
Near where we were, was a momma horse and her colt. The colt was so cute and playful, the kids were so excited. I'm watching this from the truck and and out of the corner of my eye, I see my daughter scream and start crying, shaking. She was holding her arm, so I thought she had scratched herself against the old wire fence. Two seconds later, I realized chances were good the fence was electrified. I was right. Thank all things sweet and holy, that she didn't actually wrap her hand around the wire. She only touched her forearm to it. It sent electricity all the way up her arm, where she said it felt like it exploded. I was scared to death. And PISSED OFF. The fence was old and the electric part was the tiny wire running across the top. NOWHERE, down the length of houses that backed this farm, was there a sign stating that it was an electric fence. The house that we were at, has tenants with children!! It ends up that my friends Mother-in-law has taken this guy to the township repeatedly about putting up a sign. He hasn't. NOW, he has to deal with me. He's lucky my daughter was hurt badly. Still, there is NO excuse!!
I'll let you know when I'm the new owner of that horse farm.....

Seriously? Seriously.

2008-08-19T09:56:00.004-04:00

This week my parents are in The Hamptons. My father works for GE, something to do with Worldwide infrastructure, computers, 4 am conference calls and some travel. For fun, he's a actor. Check him out later. DennisMcGeady.
Onward. He's in this play this week.

"COURTROOM COMEDY IN PREMIER AT OLD WHALER’S CHURCH
A raucous courtroom comedy based on the craziness of a real life divorce case will have its premier at the Old Whaler’s Church in Sag Harbor on Thursday, August 21 for a three-day run ending on Saturday night. The play, entitled “The Cat, the General, the Wife, the Judge and Calzone,” was previously performed on May 15, 2008 to a SRO audience in a stage reading at the Helen Mills Theatre in New York City.
." His lawyer "Charles O'Gorman" is the well-known actor and SAG member, Dennis J. McGeady who has appeared in the CBS soap, "The Guiding Light"; the ABC Pilot "Dirty Sexy Money", and NBC "Law & Order Criminal Intent". The play will starting off-Broadway in the fall.

Anyway, they are staying at the Director's house. Which happens to be a convent. Yes, I did say CONVENT. An old retired, partially renovated convent. My Mother calls last night and says she's sitting around the pool, having a drink. I could NOT stop laughing.
" I'm sorry Mom, but if you were in my head right now, this whole convent-drinking-swimming-haunted convent picture in my head has you laying around the pool with nuns in habits serving you."
"There are no Nuns, Kell"
"I know, but the image in my head is running it's own comedy show right now."
"I'm thinking we should plan a family reunion here in the off season. It's a good location for the NYC, Hamptons, and New Jersey relatives."
My end of the phone...silence. I am laughing SO. HARD. "Mom listen to the words that are coming out of your mouth. A Family reunion at a convent. A) there are no families in convents. B) This does not mean I will call you Mother Superior, and C) Can we have it catered and make all the waitstaff dress like Nuns and Fathers?"
"No Kelly, and stop making fun. This place is beautiful."
" I'm sure it is Mom, but Seriously?
"Seriously Kell. Start planning the menu. The kitchen is huge."
"Well it would have to be to make porridge and stuff to the nun. Oh and can we hire Sally Fields? And maybe bring the Ghost Hunters with us?"
" Your Father just returned from rehearsal, smart-ass, I have to go."

I'll keep you posted on how the show goes.....this whole trip is going to be very funny, I believe.

Thanks for the warning, buddy.

2008-08-15T10:35:00.004-04:00

For the past 2 nights, my son (and my husband and I) has slept like crap. He's up, or talking in his sleep, in my bed at 11, and just all around miserable. Yesterday he wouldn't nap. It's 10:30 am and I've already tried to get him down today.
He woke up at 7:30 this morning, slid out of my bed and went to see if "TT" was up. No such luck for momma. He comes back into my room, throws the covers off me and SCREAMS "MOM GET UP! I HAVE AN ATTITUDE!"
You sure do buddy, you sure do. It's going to be a loooong day.

Not this time kiddo. They're saving that job for you.

2008-08-14T09:51:00.004-04:00

While watching TV with my 8 year old, a commercial came on.
"I don't like that old white haired guy. Or that other guy. They're mean in these commercials."
I sat speechless.
"I really wanted a woman to be president."
Um, ok. Who are you and what happened to my child? Or better yet, How do you feel about the price of oil, the foreclosure rate, and the bombing of Georgia?

Happy 3rd Birthday Baby Boy!!

2008-08-12T15:24:00.010-04:00

Three years ago, This past Sunday, August 10th, this came in the mail. No, not really, I just think this picture is so cute.

He was welcome by all, as he was an amazing surprise. After years of trying and refusing to

do in-vitro, we were blessed with his arrival. He went on his first vacation to the Outer Banks at 3 weeks old.

He gave Power to the People.
He made a really cute pumpkin.

He was a really good charmer with that smile!

He let us dress him up like a little doll.
Yeah, we had a thing for hats....

He was a very hard worker at a young age.

He could wrangle a vacuum with the best of them.

He could relax with friends, or on the beach.

He kept his mother's love of cheese puffs and sleep from the womb.

He was a very sharp dresser....sometimes.

You grew to love Monster Frucks.....I mean Trucks. And this one in particular. At the age of 2 you walked up to him and told him you LOVE monster trucks. So he broke the rules and let you do this:

So, in Honor of your Third Birthday I presented you with this. It so important to me that my kids have memorable cakes. I think this tops them so far. I'm not sure which he found cooler though.......the cake or his gift.

Happy Birthday Bubbah O'Riley!
(yes I know they spell it differently on the song!)

Ship of Fools

2008-08-05T09:47:00.006-04:00

What a weekend!! The Water Carnival was a BLAST! I made mojitos for the pre-party and we had lots of yummy food. Chicken wings, Mozz. sticks, I made delicious zucchini fritters, crab dip, and crudite. For the boat, I made lemon drop shots. The pictures really tell the story:

These were SO good!! Mozz and parm cheese, zucchini, flour, egg, breadcrumbs, all fried into yummy goodness.

Here comes the ship of fools. We were 45 feet long. 4 canoes put together, with trolling motors for easier steering. Mike in the yellow shirt is a genius and had this thing perfectly rigged so no one could tip it.

Aimed at the back of the boat. Captain Mike was so proud of his ship of fools, WITH Mardi Gras beads, that we did throw. Then the front of the boat...My Husband was all the way in the front.

This float was very well done. It didn't win....this whole thing is very political apparently. The same people win every year. They made a pyramid, but I'm not giving them the satisfaction of posting it. :) Here are some other cool ones:

Here are the police....yelling at us, because we parked ourselves directly UNDER The fireworks, and were being showered with ash.....hence the name of out boat.....Ship of Fools.

And of course the best part of the evening was when we decided to beach and go get a funnel cake. Let me start by saying I had a few mojitos and a few shots. When we decided to get back into the boat, I put Riley in, and then started to attempt to lift my leg to get into the boat. I was wearing a pair of my husband flip-flops, (so I didn't ruin mine.....it's cedar water) jeans (the mosquitoes are awful) and a tank top. My flip-flop sunk into the sand. As I attempted to wrench it out, I lost all balance. I couldn't get my other foot out of the sinking sand and in very slow motion, Tipped to the left and leaned like the leaning Tower of Pisa. Except, I went all the way down. Into the water. In jeans.

Yesterday, my friend Corrine (the dark haired one in the picture) went to the local Wawa and ran into one of the town Police officers. He said we were a huge hit from the shore, and looked like we had a lot of fun. He also heard that someone went overboard. I didn't go overboard I just got really WET and SANDY. See? That's how rumors start......Next year, we're going to attempt to actually make a float out of 7 canoes. I'll be the dry one next year.

Addtion: I found this picture that somone on shore took of us.

So. Wiped.

2008-08-01T11:08:00.003-04:00

We have been going and going since last weekend. Here are the cakes....except STUPID me forgot to take a picture of the Elmo cake. Doesn't matter, the red got too dark and my husband said it looked like Elmo's evil Twin. Nice. Thanks for being SO supportive BABE! The Event planner was VERY happy with the cake and a friend of mine called and said she had been at the party and The EP truly was happy. It's a good thing, ' cause at this point I would have happily kicked her in the ass. The penguin came out cute, just a little square looking to me. Was a huge hit though.

We spent the week canoeing, boating, swimming and just running in general. This weekend our town does a "Water Carnival" and people decorate their boats and make big floats out of them. Then there's fire works, bands, and it's great fun. We are attempting to tie 5 canoes together, in an odd formation....not just end to end. Should be interesting, and we'll see WHO goes overboard first.
Getting ready for Riley's birthday party next weekend. He wants a "Monster Fruck cake". A friend of mine suggested I make a 1/2 sheet, make it look like a dirt track and add some little trucks. I was APPALLED! My 2 year old has thrown a challenge on the table. He wants a 3D monster truck and that's what he's going to get. The "Grave Digger" to be specific. A big old Black and green truck. She laughed at me for excepting the challenge from a 2 year old. We'll see who laughs last.....
Have a great weekend!!!

Big plans

2008-07-25T09:28:00.002-04:00

Today I will be baking. And baking. AND baking. Nothing like waiting till the last minute for all the orders tomorrow. I am the worst procrastinator, and yesterday we spent the day on the lake with friends, in canoes and a catamaran. (Which ultimately flipped) WAY to much fun to walk away from to bake. A Bikini, Elmo and a penguin for today. Oh and one is for THE EVENT PLANNER. We'll see if she lives through this cake order......
Have a GREAT weekend!

Good Old Crayola

2008-07-23T11:45:00.002-04:00

Dear Crayola,
My son discovered a new color yesterday and I would like to see it in the upcoming boxes, for the new school year. You people seem to think it looks like "Macaroni and cheese". When I asked my son what color it was his reply made much more sense. "O'de lellow" Apparently when you cross yellow and orange you get that color. Not "Macaroni and Cheese" "Apricot", or the other 400 names you have for the same color.
Please remedy this situation immediately, so that I don't have to tell him he's wrong, and his school won't think he doesn't know his colors. 'Cause he does.....and better then you people it seems.
Regards,
Mrs. Kelly Green
P.S. Could ya fix that crayon too? I'd like the 'Mrs.' added please.

Ice Cream Day and an attempt at payback

2008-07-21T10:37:00.003-04:00

Sunday was National Ice Cream Day. So, I decided we would celebrate on the Holiday itself. Every year since I was little, and my Mother was little, we have one day during the summer that you eat nothing but Ice Cream. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, snacks. The above picture shows exactly what you need to survive the day. Lots of ice cream, ice pops and some tequila. That was for me to survive the sugar high that the kids have all day. Chocolate sauce, Caramel, sprinkles, cherries, cones, you name it and we had it. I usually do it on a week day, but my Husband always misses out, so I decided to do on a day when he could participate. And participate he did. I can only eat so much before I something with substance. I bought some sun chips and spinach dip and then made beef satay with peanut sauce to fill bellies, that had nothing but ice cream in them all day. I shaved the beef, marinated it and skewer it. The measuring cup has the peanut sauce in it. YUM!Moving on. I decide to shave the beef with a clever while it was still frozen, to get perfectly shaved slices. I was to lazy to get out my meat slicer. While I was doing this, everyone else was outside relaxing. And Yes, he picked that spot all by himself. We were cracking up. To him, it looked like a little hammock underneath!
Back to my payback. While on vacation in the Outer Banks a few years ago, I had the scare of a lifetime. We rented a huge house, on the beach with a pool, with 3 other families. We all took turns, as couples cooking dinner. This was our night, and we had finished up, and I was taking the garbage out. It had to go to the street, so here I was walking down this 1/4 mile long driveway, pushing a huge garbage can. In the PITCH black. The house was set so far back from the street, you couldn't see a thing. The next thing I know, someone pokes me in the sides (my MOST ticklish spot) and yells AAHHH. I drop the garbage can, scream bloody murder and turn around to swing my fist into my attacker. Who happened to be my husband. Apparently he tip-toed down the driveway, giggling like a little girl, ready to attack. I had been so scared, I instantly burst into tears, called him every name and curse. Then I started really swinging. I was livid. He knows I scare very easily and this had been his perfect opportunity. Fast forward to this year, yesterday.

Here I am shaving beef, while he lays in the hammock. My mind starting racing as I was doing this. I can't stand the sight of blood. I hit the floor immediately, if I do. So I start with ketchup.....
I slathered it all over my hand and the counter. Then I add Maraschino cherry juice.

I wrap my thumb in a paper towel and watch out the window and wait for him to come in. He starts to come into the house and I run for the back door, quietly telling him I need help, and I don't want to scare the kids. I'm holding onto the counter, like I'm getting close to fainting. He doesn't even look at my thumb and What do I get? "Piss poor attempt babe. You're not pale and I would have found you on the floor. That was really sad. You'll never get me back." WTF???!!! DAMN IT!! I tried I really did. Thankfully he doesn't read this, 'cause now it's on.

Something occurred to me. A neighbor of just found out she's pregnant. (Thankfully, she knows him well enough and will think this is Hysterical.) I'm going to go buy a test, ask her to take it and then have it ready when he gets home from work one day this week. I'm not sure if it will scare him, as much as it will give him a heart attack. Either way, I. WIN.

In a nutshell.... a coconut sized nutshell

2008-07-14T14:34:00.004-04:00

This story begins with the fact that this was the first time in 20 years that all 5 siblings and their mother were in the same place at once. My Husband was so excited, as were the rest of the family. A few pix to show. All 5 and Mom together!! The one that belongs to me is far left.

I survived the plane ride very nicely. No vodka, but with the assistance of xanax. I put on my tunes, closed my eyes and ended up sleeping for a bit until my brother-in-law and husband woke me by poking me in the side. I opened my eyes and they were both to inches from my face with gum sticking out of their mouths. Lovely. Great week, except my poor Mother-in-law did not get the C.O. to her newly built house until the day after we arrived. And we were staying there.....

Bar by the pool at M-I-L's house. B-i-l from Va, Hubby, B-I-L, B-I-L, (they're married partners) S-I-L and her BF. (possibly soon to be husband. I love him.)

Very cool Sailfish carving made from tree roots at M-I-L's house.

The wedding....WOW. Most unorganized event I have ever been to. What makes it worse is that the bride is the GM of a hotel. There were people in the wedding party, that didn't even know they were until the rehearsal dinner at my Mother-in-laws, the night before. AND if you were in the bridal party, you had to wear all white. It was on the beach, with a black and theme. The bride and groom wore black and everyone else wore white. ALL 20 PEOPLE IN THE WEDDING PARTY!!! It was obscene. Not enough limos, so people had to take other transportation, and with that being the case, loss of communication. After the wedding, the bride said to head back to the hotel. Those of us in other cars did just that. We received a very nasty call (from the bride)when we were almost back to the hotel asking where the hell we were. Hhmmm, going where you told us to?! Apparently she had decided on the way back that they were going to some far off place to have pix taken. We had 3 of 5 siblings of the groom in our car, so we were holding up the pictures. We got lost and when we did arrive she screamed across the beach, "it's about time, Hurry up!!!!" My wonderful husband and his brother flipped her the bird. This was the first time we were meeting out new sister-in-law and let me say, that I have no desire to ever see her again. Thank Jeebus they live in Florida. Oh and they met on Match.com 6 months ago and she's 2 months preggo. He's 44 and she's 38. Any bets on how long this lasts????

The wedding party, including my in-laws, but the mother of the bride didn't get the message to come to this far off land....sad to say, she's in hardly any pictures. ORGANIZATION would have been helpful.Me, my Husband and my 'FRO. It was so windy my curls just exploded and unless I kept myself facing into the wind, I couldn't see a thing.

The reception was only a 3 hour cocktail and hors de oeuvres party, from 7-10. We didn't get back to the hotel until 8:30. The rest of the wedding party didn't arrive for another 1/2 hour!! People had left, they were so annoyed. There were no hot hors de oeuvres being past until the bride and groom showed and everything else sucked. Other then the wedding itself, it was an awesome weekend. I don't think I have laughed so hard in so long. There is WAY more to this story, but it's just too much to tell! I will post an album, because I got lots of great pix.

3 of 4 brothers.
My S-I-L looking, oh so hot! Unfortunately, this was for the rehearsal dinner, and it was too dressy, so she changed. She looked so good! I miss her dearly, she moved to AZ.

4 out of 5 siblings. We arrived on M-I-L's 65Th B-day, so the next night she got us clams and all 2 lb. lobsters. YUM! S-I-L and BF and a friend of my Husbands, since childhood, enjoying lobsters!

This past week, I took over a friends daycare while she was on vacation and I had a 14 month, 2, 5,7, and 8 year old, for the week. They were all pretty good kids, but I was exhausted from partying for 5 days and not going to bed til 2 am! I literally landed Sunday night and they all arrived Monday morning. Whirlwind week.

Today the kids and I made Jam and pie from the 12 lbs. of blueberries we picked this weekend. Trying to finally relax and unwind.

Oh and this conversation took place:

Me: "T, I really am getting so tired of your....(pause)"

2 year old laying on the floor, playing: " AT-TI-TUDE."

I guess I can add that to the list of things I say WAY to often.

Happy 4th of July!!

2008-07-01T08:08:00.003-04:00

Well peeps, I'm off in a few hours to spend the night at my brother-in-laws and then fly to Florida tomorrow morning.
Everyone is packed but me. I am taking 3 pairs of shoes for 1 cocktail dress, since my husband is fashionably useless, and couldn't tell me which one looked best.
Have a Fantastic 4th and I'll have plently to post on onday the 7th!

Dear Vodka Fairy.....

2008-06-27T09:05:00.002-04:00

Dear Vodka Fairy,
Please, PLEASE allow me to get on a plane next week and NOT freak out. Drown me if you have to before I get on the plane.
Yours dearly, sincerely, desperately and ready with a straw,
Kelly

I used to love to fly. Past tense. USED TO. I flew 2 months after 9/11 and basically had a panic attack. My brother-in-law fed me xanax before the flight, but I was still sweating like a pig and shaking like the vodka fairy died and left me with the Dt's. We were allowed to board the plane early, because I had my daughter with us, who was only 3 at the time. I watched the rest of the passengers board and as each individual past by, these were the conversations in my head:
"Terrorist."
"Terrorists wife"
"Very old Terrorist"
"Has a bomb strapped to him."
"Terrorist."
"Possibly the Federal agent, or a very built terrorist who will take the whole plane down himself."
Ect., Ect.
We are flying to Florida for Jay's oldest brothers wedding on Saturday July 5th. We're flying in on the 2nd, because it's his Mom's B-day. This time, I will be heavily sedated. Tuesday afternoon the kids and I will be going to my parents. My husband will then come pick me up and the kids are going to stay with my parents for the rest of the week. That will be major break down #1. Saying good-bye to them will be so hard. I haven't left both of them for more then a night or 2. NOT 5 days! Then Jay and I will drive up to his brothers in Chester NJ and spend the night. We fly out of Newark at 8:45 and land in West Palm Beach Florida at 11:45. Most likely (or hopefully) I will just put on my iriver and close my eyes, envision me and the vodka fairy splashing in a fountain of vodka and not open my eyes or speak to anyone for the rest of the flight. I am sure that my husband will be doing the same thing!!!
Once we land, we'll wait for His sister and her BF to fly in from Arizona and his Brother from VA, all to land. (magically all within an hour of us!) We had hoped to get a nice mini-van, but ended up with Ford Econo-line van. For the wedding the siblings all have to wear white. We've decided that they're all going to look like the Jones clan, ready to drink the suicidal Kool-aid, as the cult has kicked them out. Or they're going to had out flowers to people. I on the other had got a gorgeous turquoise and brown cocktail dress to wear. It's on the beach and should be gorgeous! It will be a FUN week of partying. This is the first time in 20 years that all 5 siblings will be in the same place at one time. Jay's Mom is besides herself with excitement. She and I get along great. She's an awesome cook and just had a new house built, with an amazing kitchen, so I can't wait to get there and do some cooking with her.
Any who, the flight home will most likely have me in an exhausted/panicked stupor, but still partying to the vodka fairy. I am sure to have LOTS of good blog material after this trip!
Pray to the fairy, god, buddha, mother nature, the clouds, the pilot, and anyone else that might possibly prevent me from freaking out, that I survive the flight. And when I say survive, I mean land peacefully and quietly. Not hear about me on the news, 'cause they had to detour and kick me off. Good times......

I am so behind

2008-06-23T10:54:00.003-04:00

Last week, In a nutshell:
1)Binky fairy came and left a tonka truck and bulldozer, all is well he has only asked for it once. I pulled up pictures of babies with binkies on photobucket and showed him that a new baby had gotten his. He was happy with that. Yay!

2) Decided it was time for potty training. MASTERED IT in a week. I thought boys would be so much harder to train, but he's done so well, that he's even sleeping in underwear at night and has not had an accident. He has a favorite tree to pee on and has even Christened the dog when she walk in front of him, while he was going. I have never seen my child laugh so hard. Double YAY!

3) Figured since we were Making Major progress, we'd push for him to sleep in his own bed. (yes he still slept between us. Bad habit.) Success so far. He sneaks in, in the very early morning, but I'd rather have that then a foot in my face all night. Triple Yay, because now I feel like an adult again and can sleep ALONE with my husband. Lovely.

4) School ended Thursday and Tierney earned the Academic Achievement award all for marking periods again, so she got a special award. That now make 2 years straight that she's gotten the honor roll every marking period. So Proud! And I was appointed PTO secretary again, this time under a much better president.

5) Now the drama and and boredom begin. Tierney's Bf Ali left for Florida for 3 weeks today. Thankfully I will be on FL From July 2 to the 6th, so My parents will keep them busy with fun activities during that time. AND we still only have 1 running car. SO that leaves me trapped in the house with 2 kids. You can only do the same small park and fishing for so long. This will be a test of survival.
In my Survival kit are these items: Neosporin, band aids, wipes, a bottle of vodka and a bottle of xanax. I don't know about the kids, but that should cover my first aid needs well.

Happy Flag Day!

2008-06-13T10:32:00.003-04:00

The second grade has turned a parade into a highly competitive competition. They made floats and I sent Tierney and her Bff into school looking like this: T is on the Right.

And here is a cake I did yesterday. I copied the pattern on the baby's theme for his room. I was pretty happy with how cute it came out!

Hello? Hell, It's me Kelly. Could you please take your heat back?

2008-06-10T08:45:00.008-04:00

It is HOT. Really, hot doesn't even come close to describing the weather. I have kept Tierney home for the last 2 days because her school is not air conditioned. I found out the principal even sent kids out to the un-shaded playground yesterday. As a member of the PTO board we have been working on buying fans for every classroom. The teachers used to be able to open the doors to the outside and can't anymore because of the security system. My daughter is in one of the hottest classrooms and it's be recorded to 92 degrees. NO Thanks!

As for the fishing derby, it was a lot of fun, just HOT. Here's the first thing that was caught:

An ENORMOUS snapping turtle. It didn't count. Next One of the Grandpas caught a catfish. We ran it up to the weigh station and counted it for the oldest kid. The Grandpas ended up doing most of the fishing, as the kids were in and out of the pool, because it was so hot. My Dad caught to Pickerel and counted one for Tierney and one for her friend Ali. (Who's house we were at.) Unfortunately Ali's fish was bigger and she ended up winning a fishing rod. She was nice enough to give it to Tierney, as she had won the same one last year. Here's a few more Pix: Part of the docks, My Dad and Riley and Riley in my Dad's Orvis hat, using my rod from when I was a little girl. (sniff, wiping a tear that my Dad even kept it.....)

Next up, I wanted to post pictures on the finished prom gowns, hair, makeup and girls. They had a great time, and every one looked great. I did my neighbors hair and make-up for her, and her dress came out fantastic. I was able to remove the zipper and add the corset lacing to the back like she wanted. I felt so good seeing the end results, and yesterday they brought over a beautiful card and plant as a Thank you. Here are the pix: oh yeah, there's also 2 out of three cakes I had to do this weekend. I forgot to take a picture of the third...duh!

Just call me Crafty

2008-06-05T09:31:00.003-04:00

I am up to my ears in misery this morning. The DOG DAMN DOG is making me nuts!!!! I am in the process of hemming/redesigning three prom dresses for a prom this Friday. Yes, I am nuts and can now officially add "Seamstress" to my list of occupations. This morning she saw the edge of a scrap piece of fabric hanging off the table and pulled on it. Down came HUNDREDS of pins, breaking open my pin case and therefore sending pins scattering across the kitchen floor. Now she won't stop barking.
Someone pointed out to me yesterday that for being a stay at home mom, I have an awful lot of titles. It made me think. I consider myself a stay at home mom, but I do work during the day baking or doing massive amounts of work for these things:
Baker/cake designer
seamstress (new title)
knitter/crocheter ( I make gifts to sell)
Jeweler- (again I make bead jewelry to sell on e-bay)
PTO Secretary
(Most likely) the New President of Operation Santa on Fort Dix.
Chef
And most importantly Mother.
Oh, and this weekend I plan on winning a fishing tournament with my kids. That's right, I said win!!
Now technically, They're not really titles. They're things I love to do. So why do people have to point out that for a "Stay at home Mom" I do a lot? Doesn't every Mother have a list of Titles whether she works or not??? It irritated me a little.
Did I miss the memo that said I was allowed to sit and eat Bon Bons all day?

No, she doesn't have wings or wear a pink tutu.

2008-06-01T21:08:00.011-04:00

I learned so many things over the last 2 weeks. Some insightful, some down right HI-larious, some new creative techniques, and some Let-it-all-go-and-live-life-to-the-fullest.

Let's work backwards. Cakes have been fun and I have gotten to play my way, a lot. Here are a few....

Fun, but boring. Not my choice.

A very large, green battery operated, Light saber. Get your mind out of the gutter! Even though I agree, it does not look like a Light Saber.

I've been waiting to meet any number of my blogging' friends. AndreAnna ordered a Dora cake, so she's the first one I got to meet. I was thrilled to do Dora, except she had a bad cowlick. Since Michael C, blew me off and didn't order a cake in the shape of his missing left nipple, or his heart, I was happy to make Charlotte her second Birthday cake.

Fun Fiesta 40Th b-day. I think I put a pic of this up already though...

The glass even has salted rim! (well, sugared.)

A copy of an Anne Geddes poster of a naked baby in Gerber daisies

The top tier. The flowers were a lot of work.

First attempt at a 1 yr old b-day party. I didn't like the top.
This was much better. I put the babies "smash cake" on top.

Cupcakes to match. Hello Kitty!

Me in my all time favorite jacket.

My son is really a piece of work. He kept sliding the door back and forth to show me he could move his nose. I am so proud. The Binky fairy came last night and brought Dump trucks and bulldozers. He wanted to know if she dressed like a Fairy. Hence the title of the post.

The dog had to give up her Binky fetish also. Thank GOD!!

I really do have some nice flowers in the yard. Thankfully My green thumb of death hasn't hit the one yet....

And let me leave you with this thought...Do you ever wish you could sing at the top of your lungs, or wiggle your tongue back and forth in your mouth making that funny lb-lb-lb-lb, noise during a meal, and not have anyone notice or tell you to stop? I watched my 2 year old son sit through a dinner, making that noise, and I decided I was going to do it too. I didn't get the same reaction from the rest of the table as he did.....

W hiskey T ango F oxtrot

2008-05-23T21:47:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I totally stole that from Meleah, 'cause I loved the sound of it. And it really describes the week I've had. Last weekend was one of the busiest work weekends in a while. I will post pictures, and tell that story in the next post.
Monday night I shut the computer down, and that was the last time it was ever on again. Dead. Completely and totally dead. That Very Expensive Motherboard that, we had put in about 2 months ago, died. No connection to the Internet, and no access to ANYTHING else on the computer. Files, Pictures, TONS of music, my work website stuff, etc. NOTHING. Not a FOXTROT Thing!
The week was looong. The dog is very difficult to train. Or I'm really bad at training and she listens to my husband, but makes me crazy all day. MY RIGHT KICK ASS chocolate-brown-platform-5-inch-heals, (My one and only pair of really HIP shoes) is now shredded. One of my sons pacifiers is buried somewhere in the back yard.
My son peed 1 drop on the potty. Literally. My husband said it's virtually impossible, but my stubborn son managed to do it. 5 minutes later, he practically filled the kiddy potty. That was Wednesday. It hasn't happened again. Obviously this training is going very well too.
Tonight my husband called me on the way home from work, saying he was picking up a new CPU. This is a man who will wear clothes until they are in shreds before he'll spend money. He never shops for himself. I was a little stunned and slightly annoyed, because I'm the type to do as much research about what I'm purchasing and for what price. BUT he came home with a great new CPU. Except that it has Windows Vista. Ehh.
So, I'm back and childless for 2 nights. I have big plans. Big plans indeed. I am going to stain the decks. Front and back. And drink and grill. maybe not in that order though. My parents are taking my kids up to Mahwah NJ to visit my Grandmother, their Great Grandmother. My parents picked them up tonight, and they'll leave mid morning, take my grandmother to lunch and keep them Saturday night. WOW!! I'll miss them though.....
So, I'll further update in the next post. Everyone have a great Memorial Day weekend. I missed you all!!

May 13th 1974

2008-05-13T10:06:00.003-04:00

My Mother informed me that 34 years ago today, we were having a heat wave. So hot that when she came home from the hospital with me, my father had to put the window air conditioners into the apartment windows. And they didn't work. Here I was a newborn, my mother's first and it was HOT!
Today I will be home enjoying my day with both my kids. My oldest is home with some very bizarre hives, and is thrilled to spend the day Bass fishing on the play station.
My Husband won't be home until late tonight, so to celebrate my Birthday my mom and sister are going to come down, bringing with them, my favorite Indian food.
I don't feel any older. 34 is 34.

Random Ramblings

2008-05-09T09:46:00.002-04:00

I realized that I really need to catch up on my blog when Momo Fali asked if the dog had eaten me. Well, the answer to that is yes, very nearly.
Busy doesn't even begin to describe how I am at the moment. I really shouldn't even be sitting here typing, I should be making chocolate ganache and Chocolate fudge icing.
This week:
*Registered son for preschool. If free here for 3 and 4 year old's, and I found a really great school. Cried that night because it's from 9-3 and I can't let me baby go. Thanks for that, hormones.

*Attempted to really start working on the potty training. Got cute little Thomas, Spiderman and Cars undies for the boy. Looks adorable. Has two accidents and FREAKS. That night his sister sends him out dressed as the "Naked Cowboy" that stands in Time Square. I would love to post the picture of him in his undies, cowboy boots, hat and guitar, but the thought of some freak looking at it scares me. It is HYSTERICAL THOUGH!!

* Baked and Baked and Baked. Did I mention to you that I baked?

* Found out that Gypsy Moth caterpillars that are EVERYWHERE right now, are giving the kids and i hives. All you have to do is come in contact with their nasty little hairs and your done for. So much fun. That in turn can become an allergic reaction. Nurse sent T home, because of the hives. Flakiest school nurse ever. Riley is having the whole gamut of symptoms, so he's on breathing treatment to add to it.

* Discovered that I have no dog training skills what so ever, and and losing my mind. Both dog and boy went through the back screen, so i had to re screen that yesterday.

* Being PTO secretary under the dumbest president ever really is WAY more work then it needs to be.

*2 1/2 is definitely my least favorite age. So is what ever age the dog is.

* I know for a fact that my Husband hasn't even thought about Mother's Day, let alone my Birthday which is Tuesday. That's okay. I'm used to being disappointed. He would be SO MUCH SMARTER to say "Here babe go out and get yourself something you really want. Go shopping ALONE. Now that's a gift.

Lastly, I wish all a very Happy Mother's Day. I hope you are waited on, pampered and you have a relaxing day!!

Crazy

2008-04-30T10:46:00.003-04:00

I'm here. Crazy busy. Communions, showers, etc. Insanely hyper dog. And a 2 1/2 year old who's keeping up with her. Yesterday, it came down to this:

Except I gave the wrong one the binky and put the wrong one in the cage....

Seriously though, the dog has a binky fetish and my son actually enjoys climbing into the dog crate. Odd child.

The Fish Killer

2008-04-25T09:57:00.002-04:00

I feel like telling a little story this morning. Just to torture someone near and dear to me, My Masochistic sister L.

As a child L had a fish tank in her room. I can't remember what type of fish she started with, perhaps this is because she went through so damn many. She had a good sized tank and could fit a number of fish it in.
One particular type of fish was long and thin and dark. Sort of reminded me of anchovies, for some reason. Looking back now, that fact makes sense. She watched and fed the fish, and one Day she realized that the school looked a little smaller. Hmm....1,2,3,4,5,6,7....Where was #8? How bizarre! We looked and looked and could not figure out where this fish had magically disappeared to. My parents were baffled. Cannibals? No, that couldn't be. A few days go by, and the fish were still disappearing occasionally. Odd. Finally, a few weeks later, there were NO FISH. How had the last once disappear? Poor kid. We had no other pets. Possibly a Husky around that time, but he stayed outside.
One day, my Mom walks into my sister room and realized it stunk!!! She looks and can't find anything. Now, the fish tank was still running, so it was clean and ready for the next round of fish. My Mother finally pulls out the dresser that the fish tank is on, and there lying on the floor are 8 fish. 8 dried, nasty fish. 8 very suicidal fish. My sister was now classified as a official fish killer. Killing them by making them so miserable, that they committed a double suicide by jumping out the back of the tank to a slow miserable, air gasping death.
Over the years, she has other fish. they don't last long. I've come to believe that she's either A) A Crazy Fish Killer, or B)She is determined to keep fish alive, if it kills her. I prefer to think of the latter.
My Mother on the other hand, had gotten a Beta (Japanese fighting fish). They don't usually last very long. My mother's lasted for years. This winter my parents went on a 10 day cruise and asked my sister to feed and check on the fish.
The last time they left my sister to take care of an animal while they were away, It died. Our adorable (very old) rabbit. Agador Sparticus, was his name. My sister calls me from the house and claims to have found a stiff-as-a-board-rabbit. I wasn't surprised.
Onto caring for the fish during the cruise. She said if this (through in a few choice curse words) FISH died on her watch, she was NOT responsible. The fish barely swam around, and half the time, you had to poke it, to make sure it was still alive.
That fish did not move all week. Frozen, in the center of the bowl. He had to have known that the Crazy Fish Killer, was taking care of him. She was freaked out all week.
She moved in with her boyfriend and they got a fish tank. Looking back now, I should have warned him. She has fish now. And every few weeks, I get a call. " I know the response I'm going to get, but another fish died." I sympathize by by laughing OUT LOUD.
Yesterday my phone rings and it's her. She's at a friend's house. "I just want to let you know another fish died." Silence. I'm choking back the laughter, and finally bust out. She had put me on speaker phone, so that they could hear me laughing hysterically at her. "See, the torture I get from her?!" I laughed and laughed and never apologized for laughing.
I did however make a major note to myself: 'Never, leave kids alone with Auntie for more then a day......'

Getting settled

2008-04-24T09:45:00.003-04:00

WHEW!! Sorry, it's been a few days. We picked up the dog, (who after 3 days of being here, was finally named Bailey) and she came home with Kennel cough. For those that might not know it's a god awful sounding cough followed by the sound of gagging. So the first night, we listened to that all night. My husband was pissed, that the shelter let her go like this, but that's the key word: "shelter". Not a Vet. Her first day home she was great. She was fun, loved everyone, was playing with all her new toys, etc. Day 2, she barely moved off the couch, and it just got worse from there. As you know, my mechanically challenged husband ruined 1 car, so I had no way of getting her to the vet. A friend ended up offering to take us yesterday and let me tell, what a turn around!!! By last night, she was back up and around and playing. I am totally in love with this dog. She is well trained, and so much fun!! This is as big as she'll get, so she's the perfect size for our household. Here are some Pix:

And now we wait....

2008-04-18T09:21:00.004-04:00

Yesterday afternoon we went to visit the dog, and we ALL fell in love. We are one of four applicants, so keep you fingers crossed. She LOVED my husband, climbed onto his lap and tucked her little head under his chin and parked herself there.
They're going to make the decision today.
Fingers crossed, Rub a Buddha, Pray, PLEASE do whatever it is you do, that we get this dog.

Conversation with my son:
me: "Riley, do you want the dog to come to our house and live with us?"
Riley: " Yes"
me: "what do you think we should name her?"
Riley: "name him 'dog' ."
me: "Thanks Captain obvious, but we need a name for her. she's a girl."
Riley : "name him 'girl' ."

That went well, Huh?
I'll keep you posted!!

UPDATE: As of 11:10 this morning, we are the proud owners of a Puggle!!
They called and said we are approved and that we can pick her up tomorrow. YAY!!!

Excited, but not TOO excited.

2008-04-16T09:53:00.003-04:00

It is 9:53 and I have accomplished a heck of a lot more then I do on any old regular day.

Kids up, dressed. Check.

OH, and fed. Check.

Neighbor Child, who's father pays me whenever the hell he feels like it, arrives. Check.

Laundry started. Check.

Knocked out celebrating all the Holidays that fall on today, as per Michael C. Check.

Fertilized the lawn. Check.

Check out Meleah's AWESOME NEW MUG. Check

WOW!! I am feeling very productive today.

Now on the exciting, but don't-get-my-hopes-up-to-high-news.

We're Pregnant!! Just kidding! WOW THAT WAS SCARY TO WRITE!

Seriously though, Hopefully this adorable little face may be joining our family very soon.

She is an 11 month old Puggle and We have applied to adopt her from a shelter. I'm hoping that because we seen to have all good things that a dog needs, (i.e. fenced yard, I'm home all the time, so she'd rarely be alone) we are chosen. What nice about a Puggle is that they don't have the breathing problems that regular Pugs do. And we really don't want a big dog. Keep your fingers crossed. We haven't mentioned it to the kids, because I know I'll be crushed if we don't get her, and they'd be even more so. If not her, I know another one will come along. I had a Husky growing up and all he was good for was tipping you out of the sledding the snow and taking off, and eating my very expensive point ballet slippers. And tubes of lotion, giving him a lovely floral scented breathe. I want a dog the kids can play with, yet small enough for me to knit little sweaters for. Tee Hee!!

Damn, I'm getting way to excited about this. I'm going to scrub the kitchen floor, that'll ruin my day.

Ramblings

2008-04-15T09:43:00.005-04:00

I guess I should have started off the last post, with the fact that We live right outside of a 3 Military bases. Actually (well obviously) we're closer to the shooting ranges then the base itself. We're pretty much surrounded by Military land. The THUMPS are tanks or helicopters shooting missiles into HUGE sand dunes. The gunfire is just base background noise of them practicing. Fun times at 5 am.

This weekend my kids did a sleep-over at my parents house. They do this alot. They're the only grandkids, and my parents are constantly telling me to get my own. This weekend was nice enough that Riley got to go on his first fishing trip. Here's how my boy did:

He caught his first Sunny. After feeling the fish, playing with the worm and being beyond excited about the whole experience, he watched his little friend swim away. We're all about catch and release. My Dad said he was a riot. I have to say that my kids are lucky to have grandparents reasonably close by that take them to do all kinds of fun things.

On to other things. I have decided that in a few years I am going to take a trip. I'm not an huge adventure seeker. I won't jump out of an airplane (let alone fly without being heavily sedated), I loved Big scary Roller coasters, until everytime I got off one, my brain had been shaken so much, I would get a migraine. (Momo Fali, I do believe your husband has a similiar expereience? ;) )I even had a hard time swimming in the ocean, after I stepped on a fish once. My father said he'd never seen anyone walk ON water like I did. (I watch to much Shark week) But THIS, THIS looks like something I want to do before I die. ( knock on wood, rub a rabbits foot, find a four leaf clover, please people, so I didn't just curse myself.) Here it is:

"The Devil's Swimming Pool In Zimbabwe, Africa, you will find the magnificent Victoria Falls at a height of 128m (419 ft!). The location is known as 'The Devil's Swimming Pool'. During the months of September and December, people can swim as close as possible to the edge of the falls without falling over! These falls are becoming well known amongst the 'radical tourist' industry as more and more people search for the ultimate experience."

Would you dare? I can't wait!!

2008-04-10T09:37:00.005-04:00

I want to say a HUGE THANKS to Meleah for sending me this awesome award. I'm feeling the love! XXOO

Awarded by
Meleah Rebeccah
to Chef Mom

Tonight, We are taking the kids to the Opening night game of the Trenton Thunder. For those of you who don't know who they are, they're the Minor league team for the Yankees. When a Yankee gets injured they come and play here while they recover and we've gotten to see some pretty big names. (Derek Jeter!!) My son is already asking if it's time to go. It's going to be a long day! The last time I was there, I was 8 months pregnant with him, and nearly fainted and threw up on a relative, due to the heat. Fun times!! Tonight is supposed to be 70 and gorgeous! Hopefully tomorrow I'll gave a great story of tonight's adventures. Minus the fainting and spewing, thankfully!!
This morning we were awoken by the house shaking. Now, if you know anything about NJ, we RARELY have earthquakes. I remember experiencing 1, when I was younger and that was just a tremor. This morning I feel like I'm in the movie Jurassic Park. You know the scene when they're sitting in the stopped trucks, watching for the T-Rex to come eat the goat? You hear THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP and the water in the cup is rippling? That how it feels here this morning. Never mind the constant barrage of gun fire. That's become basic background noise. You get used to it. It's the house shaking explosions, that just throw you off a bit.
This past weekend, they did it all day on Saturday. My sister came over and was floored when she heard and felt it for the first time. Pretty soon, we'll be like the Mary Poppins movie, when the general sets off his cannon according to the time, and everyone in the house runs to hold something steady. Okay, now that you have all the visuals, you can picture me in an Tan archaeologists outfit or in a Mary Poppins gown today, enjoying this lovely day, in the middle of munitions practice.

I'm unbelievably boring today.....

2008-04-09T10:41:00.002-04:00

The kids don't have school today, so I'm playing Entertainer. Or rather Referee. Why doesn't an 8 year old realize that wrestling with a 2 year old, just doesn't work.
A) He's going to kick and scream and get pissed.
B) When he does get up, that solid right upper cut to the face, doesn't feel so good does it?
And to make it worse, he curses at her. "Damn! Let me go!"

I'm going to go out and by a ref's shirt today, and a whistle. Maybe that will stop them in their tracks....for 30 seconds.

Finally, I can not feel my brain anymore.

2008-04-07T10:19:00.002-04:00

WHEW! My Brain hurt from Thursday night until Saturday morning, and then from Saturday evening til this morning. The constant thump, thump, of my heart beating in my head has stopped. Did you know that a migraine is truly exhausting? I am wiped out today and will most likely do nothing. How's that for an exciting day?
Saturday night we did go over to our neighbors house. My kids were at my parents, and their kids were supposed to have been gone, but the grandparents had to cancel at the last minute. No big deal, we had fun anyway. They are a very funny couple, as are my husband and I . (At least I seem to think so) I married him because he always makes me laugh. Well, I don't think I have ever LAUGHED so hard for so long, in a very long time. The Husband was telling us these stories of him growing up, that had us in tears we were laughing so hard. The kind of laughter that is truly therapeutic. I SNORTED I was laughing so hard!! That's awful! But by the end of the night we all agreed, we really needed that. We left their house and as we walked home, we talked about how rejuvenating a good laugh is.
So my Challenge for all this week is: Find that laughter. Whether it's a story, a funny show, your kids, Whatever, just find it, it will make you feel so good.

Here's a start..I decide that I'm going to use the Tim Taylor of all leaf blowers and clean out the flower beds. We have A LOT OF trees around us. So, my husband warns me, that it is a workout, Your arms get tired. Whatever. It's beautiful out and I want to be outside. He doesn't bother to tell me that there is a technique to the whole "leaf blowing" thing. Nor does he bother to tell me that, since it's a windy day, This will be a complete and total waste of my time.
I get it started, I'm feeling all manly, and I start to blow leaves. (I can see him hiding in the living room window, watching me.) Now, the man next door is fanatical about his lawn, so I start on that side, to clear out the leaves. Since a certain someone failed to tell me that I needed to aim in a certain direction, I started blowing leaves EVERYWHERE. I start to chase them. God forbid, a leaf lands in this man's yard. They're up in the air, all over the yard, still in the flower bed, and all over me. Before I started, they were at least nicely piled in the flower beds, hidden by stones.

I start to blow the rest of the yard toward a huge pile of leaves we waiting to be bagged. After about 15 minutes, I have a inch deep (so we're talk a flat layer of leaves) by 12 inch wide pile of leaves. And the rest of the yard is now COVERED in leaves. I'm trying to blow against the wind and all I'm creating in my own personal tornado of chaos and leaves. I know that the guy next door, my husband and the guy across the street are all watching me, having the LAUGH OF A LIFETIME, at my expense. So much so, that the guy across the street ( who is a riot and has a quick wit about him) wanders over and says, "What you wouldn't let Jay come out to play today?" No, he's inside feeding Riley lunch, and laughing at me.
"Yeah, I was laughing too, so I had to come out and tell ya you're doing a stellar job. If your goal was to cover the lawn in leaves, your really did a fantastic job."

I didn't know that my hands were going to shake for hours either. I was shaking so badly, that I was trying to feed Riley some quick Mac and Cheese later, that I kept trying to put the spoon through his cheek. He finally got pissed and yelled "Mommy messy, I do it!"

Tee Hee, Hee, Hee, guess I got myself out of leaf blowing forever ;)

Ouch

2008-04-04T08:46:00.002-04:00

I'm whining. I have a migraine and I haven't had one in a while. You know, the kind where every time you move you can feel your pulse in your head. God forbid you have to bend down to pick something up, because you head might explode. I really have no right to whine, because a few of my favorite bloggers have it much worse at the moment.
It might have to do with the fact that my son was up at 6:15, because when my husband got up to shower, the cat snuck in, and then was pissed that she was trapped in the bedroom, and started howling at the top of her lungs. Who wouldn't want to wake to that lovely sound? That in turn woke my lovely son, who spent the whole night with his foot lodged in my back. So to recap, Headache=Cranky=Whining. OK, I'll move on now. OH and my son has picked up playing the harmonica....without a headache he just might be talented. With a headache and him playing into a MEGAPHONE, It's like nails on a chalk board. (Note to self: throw both items out.)

Yesterday, I desperately needed to go grocery shopping. BUT since we only have 1 working car right now, I'm stuck in the house. Super genius-Will-never-be-a-Pep-Boy, Husband of mine, tried to change the brakes, and did it in 2 degree weather and snapped off all sorts of important parts. He doesn't really want to put anymore money into the car. Here's why: He gets rear ended about 1 1/2 years ago. Of course, it's when we're about to make the last payment on the car. The car gets fixed. Exactly 30 days after the original accident, he get rear ended again. I vow NEVER to get in that car again. 6 months later, wait for it, He gets rear ended AGAIN! The last time, it was minor enough that we decided, it was just not worth fixing. All was good until Mr.-I-don't-have-the-Midas-Touch "changed" the brakes.
Anyway, back to my dinner. I decide I have the makings of Lentil and Brown Rice stew. Don't gag, you'd be pleasantly surprised. I had no canned tomato products, so I chose to use a nice Chunky garden salsa I had. I added a chopped onion, cumin, chopped cilantro, garlic, S&P and beef stock. I added the lentils and brown rice and let it simmer for about 50 minutes. I warmed some tortillas, and my son proceed to sit and eat 2 bowls of the stuff for lunch. THEN he asked for "soup" for dinner again. I reheat it for dinner and every other member of my family comes in, tastes it and says "EEWW". My husband and my daughter are not big Bean fans, and they both complained that that's what the lentils tasted like. My son and I will be enjoying a lovely Lentil and Brown Rice stew that the restaurant has on the menu for today. If the other to tasteless wonders had actually like it, Little did they know I was going to make Filet Mignon wrapped in bacon, on a bed of the stew. Their loss. I may be a chef, but I do not run a restaurant in the evening. If you do not like what is on the menu. Too bad, you're on your own. I'd be cooking all night if I were to "whip up" a meal for each person. That's my husbands favorite term..."Just whip it up, it's easy for you." Yeah, well, I would have though that fixing a car would have been easy for you.....
Have a Great Weekend!

I have taught her well....

2008-04-01T20:45:00.006-04:00

I don't even know where to begin this story. I guess I'll start with the Origin of "The Game". This is a little long, but worth the read....I think.

My Husband and a good friend of his, who he met when he first made the move from Florida to New Jersey at the age of 20, started this game. Jeff was his name and he was a great guy. He had a brother named James and they were very close in age. Like Irish Twins, close in age. They looked just like the Nelson Twins, except much better looking. (we're talking long blond hair and they were musicians.) Jeff ended up dating My Husband's sister, so they spent a lot of time together, as my husband and his sister were roommates. Eventually Jeff and my SIL broke up, but J (my husband) kept in touch with the brothers.

They started this game....while in the midst of a conversation, (e.g., making plans for what club to go to that nightbut not say the name of the club decided, ) you hang up. Hence leaving the person at the other end confused, or eventually when the game became an on going thing, pissed off. While J and I were dating, I learned all about the game. We got married and both brothers were in our wedding party.
Gradually over the years, they've both gotten married and had children. But "The Game" has stayed the same, with J and Jeff. Months can go by, one will call the other, chat about the families and eventually one beats the other and hangs up first. NOW, you must get the other person completely off guard. For instance, "Hey, I have great news! " CLICK. it has to leave you looking at the phone like "WTF!" and I personally call the person every derogatory name I can think of. My Husband included.
My husband and my sister get along very well, and he got her for the first time soon after we were married. The three of us proceeded to pick it up and use it on each other whenever possible. Eventually My Mom even got me and my sister at least once. I have YET to get my mother.
Now, the point of "The Game" is A) catch the other person totally of guard. B) Don't over use it. It will get annoying. You really have to TRY to get the other person, HARD. For instance, While my sister and I were on the phone once, one of my children did something so hysterical, I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. She asks me what is so funny and I say "Tierney just came out here and." CLICK. Usually I know exactly what she's saying to the dead phone, and when she calls back, she'll repeat it. Along the lines of F%*&ing!! B$#!H!! I hate you! She has gotten me good though. The ever famous, "oh, I forgot to tell you," CLICK.
Last week my Husband calls my sister on his way home from work, and he yells into the phone, "Hey L?!" CLICK. it was one of the best ones of late. Not only that, but he had just gotten me a minute before. He called one after another. Mine was at least mid-conversation.
Last night I'm making dinner and take a quick trip to the bathroom. Now, those of you with children know, that it's not worth closing the door, they're going to come in anyway.(Sorry, TMI) SO I hear the phone ring in the kitchen. J is on the computer in the living room. My daughter grabs the phone, says it's Auntie (my sister L) and J says it's ok to answer it.
Auntie asks T how school is, is it good to see her friends after break, how's your brother etc. T answers all questions politely. Auntie asks "where's Mommy?" T answers, "I have no idea where Mom is, Let me check" CLICK.
I hear the whole thing take place from the bathroom, and my daughter comes running across the house screaming "I GOT AUNTIE, I GOT AUNTIE!!!" I come out of the bathroom stunned. My 8 year old just "got" my 28 year old sister. And I can't even be mad. Because, ALL DAY my daughter tried to get SOMEBODY for April Fool's Day. Well DAMN IT she sure as S%*T DID!!!

I'm choking as I dial my sister, who answers the phone with "That little...." and I stop her mid sentence.
"WAIT! You HAVE to give her credit...it's April Fools Day. This child tried ALL DAY to get someone. She even tried to teach her 2 year old brother to pull a trick. Neither J nor I knew she was going to do it."
Silence. "I looked at the phone and went WTF? My 8 year old NIECE just got me. But, I do give her credit. Today, of all days, was perfect. You have taught her well my sister."
I proceeded to call my parents on three-way and my sister and I told the story, while my parents cried with laughter. They are so proud.
I did make my daughter promise that she will never, ever do it again.....'cause It's out of respect, and an 8 year old can do it once and be the winner of ALL TIME. There will never be a better "move" in "The Game".

The Event Planner

2008-03-31T09:23:00.009-04:00

I am so relieved that this weekend is over. I got the cake baked Friday for the event planner, and decided to wait until Saturday morning to ice it. I had to leave by 9:30, so I got around 7.

First lesson learned: Piping straight lines at 7:30 isn't that easy....

It would have looked so much better in fondant, but that's not what she wanted. Whatever.

I drive the hour it takes me to get to her house. I knock on the door quite a few times, before her husband answers. It's not like they didn't know I was coming!!!! He lets me in and Calls to her to let her know I'm here. I stand there balancing 2 cake boxes for a few minutes, before he realizes he didn't offer to A) help me or B) let me set them down somewhere. The second cake was Flourless chocolate cake for a guest. This is only a 6 inch cake and there's a pound of chocolate in it. I have no idea what the name means.

So I set the cakes down and wait. And wait, and wait. Just standing there, while he's cleaning the house. Twiddling my thumbs. I finally ask if she knows I'm here. He calls her again. After almost 15 minutes, she decides to make an appearance. She sort slinks down the stairs. Well, Thank you, your ROYAL HIGHNESS for allowing me to be in your presence! That's the exact "feeling" I got. I am not some lowly little baker. I have done my time in the kitchen I held the title of Head Pastry chef and Chef de Tournade. Don't get me wrong, I've been out of it for a while, but if I'm going to show you some respect, I expect you to do the same. She's seen my resume. I'm not tooting my own horn, but she could show me a little respect. She's a planner!! Not a doer!! She points her finger and demands!

She introduces me to her husband, who I have just watched sweep the floor for the last 15 minutes, and says "oh, we're old friends, I met her a few times when she delivered the cupcakes and picked up the stand." Um, excuse me? I've never met him before! My sister delivered and
picked it up. I can see some confusion.

I don't wear glasses, Just put these on to show the similarity. I'm 5 years older. Anyway, she looked at the cakes and says "they're so cute." I wasn't thinking "cute" was how I would describe a cake for a 36 year old man. Yes, the piping wasn't perfect, let me see her try it. She looks like the type of woman who: doesn't get dirty, won't chance breaking a nail by doing any type of labor, obviously doesn't clean, her husband does, doesn't cook and really comes across as a beotch.
The next order I get from her, I'm going to DEMAND to speak to the client. I'm laying down the law. Take it leave it. I want signed contracts and I want access to the client so I can ask questions. If she gives me a hard time, then it's bye-bye bitch. I would take dealing with the Mother of a Bride, or a Bridezilla herself rather then deal with this woman.
What's the saying from Dirty Dancing..."nobody puts Baby in a corner." Well nobody makes Kelly wait 15 minutes just to deliver a cake. AND AN HOUR AWAY NO LESS!!!!

I shot the Event planner, but I did not shoot the deputy

2008-03-28T10:57:00.002-04:00

AAGGGHHH! A few months ago a friend of mine recommended me to an event planner friend of hers. (or acquittance, they're kids were in the same class). She asked me first and I said sure! How bad could it be to get extra business. BAD. I have yet to met her in person, even though I've done a few things for her. I prefer to deal with the bride, person having the party, etc. because I can get a better feel of what they're looking for, and I can throw out ideas to them, things they might not have thought of. NO. She wants to be the middle woman. Which scares me.
A) I think she's she's charging the client more then what I'm quoting her and therefore, she's making money off of me. Fine, but I can guarantee she not marking up the banquet hall, or the flowers, or caterer.
2) I am VERY afraid that something is going to get lost in translation, communication, e-mail, or any other form she chooses. I will have 50 e-mail exchanges with her and I have to re-iterate EVERYTHING we discuss every time, because she can't remember what was said. I have to save every single piece of information I get from her and repeat it all back in every e-mail, because I'm afraid She'll pin the screw up on me. That would be the end. And she's constantly changing the plans for delivery at the last minute. YOU'RE NOT MY ONLY BUSINESS, LADY!!! You revolve around me, not the other way....I try to be accommodating, but come on!
The cupcake tower with butterflies was for an event she planned and I wanted the stand back. It came back with the fondant bow crushed and it had obviously been left in the sun, as the top to tiers fondant had completely changed color. Tomorrow I am delivering a cake to her house for a party for her husband. She asked my if it could be "wheat free". I asked if she knew that, that meant NO FLOUR. Duh. NO she had no idea. So I'm making a regular cake and a small flourless chocolate cake, which is heaven in itself. Like fudge in the shape of a cake.
So, If I happen to kill Said event planner, Meleah was nice enough to offer to bail me out. The way my day is going with my children, ( just stepped in a blob of playdough and thought it was cat poop. My son wanted dinner at 7:30 this morning. And what pray tell do we want for dinner....pizza) I just may stay for the weekend. Peace and quiet in a rough and tumble sort of way.....

The boy knows what he needs....

2008-03-26T18:43:00.002-04:00

My son fell onto a truck this morning, that he got for Easter and crushed it. It was a flimsy plastic monster truck and he landed smack on the center of it.
He asked me to fix and I told him, it really wasn't fixable. He decide he would wait to ask Dad to fix it.
This afternoon he comes to me and says, "I fix truck. Need a screwdriver and a wench."

Someone kick me in the head next time...

2008-03-25T11:07:00.004-04:00

Before I ever sign on with another event planner, PLEASE people promise to swiftly kick me. Tell me to meet him or her first, before signing on. That way, when we're in the middle of a project, I'll be prepared for the fact that she's dumb as a stump and the biggest flake I've ever met. How anyone has let this woman plan ANY event is beyond me.....

Explanation tomorrow.....I'm off to make a 3D Golden Labrador. Pix to follow.

3:25-Dog just left......Not bad...eyes are a little creepy. It's tough to do it so small. It only needed to feed 12 people. It's about a foot long.....oohhhh my ESP senses are tingling...Michael C just thought : TWSS!!!!

I'm a survivor

2008-03-24T15:17:00.002-04:00

Thank GOODNESS this weekend is over. Somehow, I have survived and today am completely wiped out.
Friday night I had a big "Mom's night out" shopping for Easter stuff with 2 of my friends. Who knew 10 years ago, that going to Target and Walmart on a Friday night WITHOUT children would be considered fun. When the night ends at a bar it does :) We shopped and then hit the local Pub to end the night. Apparently Target doesn't stay open until 12:30, so my husband was a little confused.
Saturday was chaos. I was at the Market the minute it opened. Flew through in record time, I might add. We took the kids to an early morning egg hunt. They had a ball. My 2 year old son proceeded to win the largest and the smallest prize baskets. ( Note to self: Have 2 year old pick winning lottery numbers.) From there I had to rush to finish a cake and then off to a Roller Skating Birthday party. Never mind that I had 20 people coming the next day and I hadn't really done a thing yet. What a FLASHBACK!!! I walked into this Roller Rink and felt my heart beating hard...oh the memories! Holding hands with a boy for the first time, while skating. Sharing Sodas, the games, and the outfits!!! Let me say that the rental skates looked like they were the same ones from when I was younger. Thankfully my daughter has her own and we didn't have to rent a foot fungus. Fun times!!!!
We got home at 2 and I started cooking immediately and did so until about 10. Here was the Easter menu:
Screwdrivers, Bloody Mary's, beer, juices, soda, etc.

Creme Brulee French toast Strata
Brie and Chive Strata
Ham and Cheddar strata
Hash browns "21 club" style
Bacon, hot and mild sausage
Fresh fruit
Roasted Asparagus with lemon and butter sauce

Blueberry cream pie
Cherry cream pie
cupcakes for the kids
Almond essence and vanilla bean shortbread

I went heavy on the strata's, only because I knew the people coming all had different tastes and would either eat sweet or savory. Everything was a hit. I wouldn't really know.....Why is it the chef doesn't really get to eat until everything is ice cold and or gone? I was bummed, but everyone else enjoyed it. I did get to enjoy the liquids portion of the meal though.......And I didn't spend all morning preparing. It really was timing everything right to fit in the oven, and I was only off my estimated time to eat by about 20 minutes.
So Today, I straightened up, battled with my home-on-spring-break-and-bored-to-death-so-go-clean-you-room-8-year-old, and crashed for an afternoon nap with my boy. I am slightly refreshed.
So glad the weekend is over. Now, if I live through this week, it will be a miracle!!!

Can someone replace the batteries in my back....?

2008-03-21T09:57:00.002-04:00

I'm not feeling like the energizer bunny today. I'm feeling like Oh-shit-I-have-20-people-coming-in-2-days-and-I-haven't-cleaned-or-shopped. How's that for procrastination?

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, eat lots of good food, and it you need any martini glasses, feel free to ask........

Look at this Stuff

2008-03-18T10:08:00.006-04:00

Meleah @ Momma Mia Mea Culpa Tagged me with a "Look at this stuff" Meme. I couldn't wait to do it, this is a fun one!
You have to find five things around your house that say something about the person you are and snap a picture of them. Then tell us about them.

Here we go:

I have a slight obsession with cookbooks. This about 2/3 of my collection, the others are ones I don't use as much, so they're in a Huge Tupperware tub. This also doesn't show the cooking magazine collection. I especially love (see the little stack on the top shelf laying on it's side) OLD cookbooks. I have some from 1915.

These are the 5 cooking utensil I can not live with out. Icing Spatula, Flat Spatula, tongs, cookie scoop with a silicone bottom for pushing out the dough. Nice and precisely sized cookies. And a wooden spoon. All laid out on my Island that I love!

My favorite room in the house. (ok, besides the kitchen) My Bathroom. The combination of the Blue color and the White trim is SO soothing. I found the perfect shower curtain and curtain to match, added a window film (cause I hate mini blinds) and viola! I can lock the door, have a nice relaxing bath, glass of wine and a good book, and I'm beyond content. I'm not really sure how that little person got in the picture. And why it looks like he's about to throw something into the toilet. I better go check...

I love to reupholster furniture. These chairs had an ugly cream textured fabric on them. I added the plaid, that matched in color, the floral valences I made on the kitchen windows and back door. I also love to refinish wood furniture. Sand, Stain, etc. Give me an electric Staple or nail gun and I am one HAPPY woman.

I'm not sure what this last one really says about me.....I guess I like to entertain? Yeah, that's the excuse I'm sticking. I own 30 assorted sets of martini glasses and 42 different types of wine glasses. Seriously though, we had a martini party and I went around and bought all kinds of clearance martini glasses. I can't have my guests drinking from plastic cups. Same thing with the wine glasses. Half of the number are my good Crystal ones, the rest, for everyday use.

So, there you have it. Me in a nutshell. With 72 assorted drinking glasses. As for tagging, it's open to anyone who wants to play!!

Peep Show

2008-03-17T14:50:00.005-04:00

I'm still playing catch up and clean up from my weekend craziness. I'm trying to get to the fun Meme Meleah tagged me with. In the mean time, I couldn't resist!!!!!

All of the patrons faces have been made exactly the same, to protect their privacy and identity.

Where I am and where I'm headed

2008-03-15T11:32:00.002-04:00

This is where I have been for the last 36 hours. Lost in my kitchen and I'm only halfway done. I'm sitting for a moment to intravenously administer some coffee and I'll get back to work.....

Butterfly cupcake for a bridal shower at a Spa.

Them on the stand with Dummy cakes and floating butterflies
What a big bow!

As I was cleaning up, I turned around look at what I saw. Riley doing " NUFFING"

Thankfully I was done with those bags!

Little Teddy..pretty cute

This is for a 1 year old's Birthday party. The little cake is his "smash cake".

NOW I'm off to make German Chocolate cake and a Jungle Fury Power Ranger cake. Then I'm off to Tierney's Round-Robin soccer Tournament and Trophy ceremony. Tomorrow I'm headed into NYC to see my Dad in a Play. Yes, he's an actor and on TV.....a whole other post. I'll be back on in a few days, If I survive. Actually I will survive. Brunch in NYC at a lovely Irish pub, with $10 all you can drink brunch cocktails. How do I spell relief? M-I-M-O-S-A

TAT-touille

2008-03-12T15:19:00.003-04:00

This Friday night We're holding a movie night at my daughter's school. It's about a rat that can cook. For various and assorted obvious copyright reason, we couldn't say the name outright. We bought these to give out to the kids afterwards, and they arrived today. As I pulled one out my 2 year old starts yelling. "TAT-touille hat, TAT-touille hat!" So I couldn't resist putting one on him. It's about as tall as he is. My boy loves to cook.

So Tired....

2008-03-10T10:41:00.005-04:00

Too Tired to post much today. Had a busy weekend. A friend of mine is friends with a Harlem Globetrotter, so whenever they come nearby, she gets free tickets and cool Stuff. It just so happens that her daughters birthday is coming up, so he had an AWESOME gift for her. She gave part of it to Tierney, but Tierney was just thrilled to see her friend and have a "girls night out". Her friend lives where we used to, about an hour away, so we don't get to see her too often.

The whole team signed a really nice Jersey.Doing the "Globetrotter Strut".

Sunday I spent the day wandering a Organic Farmers market, at a really nice restaurant called Tre Piani. Got some yummy stuff.

I don't know about anyone else, But I hate the time change and so do my kids!

Life with kids 1,2 and 3

2008-03-07T10:47:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I only have 2, but I'm guilty of a lot of these things. I just thought this was a riot, because it really is true!

Pregnancy:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborns clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

Today, I bake

2008-03-06T09:42:00.002-05:00

I'm off to bake enough cookies to feed an entire Hospital. No really, I am. I won't be MIA, just living in my kitchen, jammin' to my tunes, and doin' it my way.
Hmmm......I should write a song.

Bakin' and Shakin' and siftin' and drinkin',
I'm do it my way....

I'll have to work on the rest. Oh and I promise not to drink until later.

Here we go Again.

2008-03-05T09:56:00.003-05:00

Let me start from the beginning. 2 months after we got married, The company my Husband worked for, for 7 years had major lay-offs. He was one of the unlucky ones. Then he got a corporate sales job with Kinko's. Just before Fed Ex bought them out, they too made major cuts. Again, one of the unlucky ones. 2 weeks after we bought our very first house, the tiny family owned printing company he worked for layed him and 7 others off. Of Course he was pissed, but this was a family owned company and so there was no room to grow for him. he'd already spent a few years in the same position with no raises, only more commission incentives. My Husband works his ASS off. Sales is perfect for him. He's such a people person, and when the last printing Co. let him go, about half their customers left too. The other salesmen were family members and just cranky old men. Sucks to be them. In Sales customer Service is a huge part, and building a good re pore is necessary.
So, for the last years and half, he's been through 5 jobs. It SUCKED. He hasn't been happy with the latest job, and once again all the promises they made when they hired him, never came through. So I happened to come across a fantastic job, in the printing industry. Usually in sales, base salary is low and commission is decent. But Commission is NOT a constant and very unreliable. Managing money was difficult, because you never knew what you'd be getting. This job posting listed a high salary, and a the same percentage commission for all. He went up there (It's now about 1 hr 20 minutes from home), interviewed and they said they'd let him know in 24 hours.
Monday night the phone rang. He flew of the chair and ran into the bedroom to answer it. He had seen it was the company name on the called ID. I just thought he'd lost his mind. They offered him the position.....at double the salary he's making now. Hallelujah is all I can say. There are many other perks, but the downside was, another change of jobs. Needless to say, I told he'd be the stupidest man on earth to turn it down. The other downside for me is that now he's gone even longer everyday. Most likely 7-7, factoring in the drive time. I'm not complaining, but aside from baking and blogging. I don't get to speak to many adults in a day.
He went into the old job yesterday morning and gave his 2 weeks. What I didn't know was, that the day before, they had made him sign a contract stating that if he didn't sell some absurd number of copiers in the month of March, they were going to cut his salary. Wow...that's a moral booster. They actually had the nerve to be surprised when he gave his notice. he knew they wouldn't keep him for the 2 weeks. The last guy that quit, they escorted from the building and that's just what they did with my Husband. So Yay, he gets to start the new job sooner.
So, once again our world is turned over and we begin another new chapter. Some are very short.
Some are long and mostly happy, we just have very bad luck. We're the type of people who would give you the shirt off our backs if you needed it. We stop to help people on the side of the road. Ya know...Do good deeds and you'll be rewarded. It's been 10 years and we have had FEW rewards. I count my kids as the greatest ones. Someone finally heard me, whether it was Buddha, God, The Dali Lama, Mother Earth, The Goddess, and whoever else I missed. Today, I'm thinking I can finally see the sun. That black cloud starting to look light grey.

Dog, Cat, and Rat

2008-03-03T10:08:00.001-05:00

Why Can't WE all get along like this?? This guys is a little weird, but what he says is so true...

Getting to know me. A MeMe

2008-02-28T09:27:00.002-05:00

I have been tagged By Meleah and happily will answer the questions:

1. What is your occupation?Mother, Wife, Chef, PTO Secretary, Cake designer, problem solver, boo-boo fixer, Homeworker assistant, babysitter, and anything else I can't say no to.
2. What color are your socks right now? No socks, slippers
3. What are you listening to right now? Bob the Builder on TV
4. What was the last thing that you ate? A Banana waffle
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Kelly Green
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Mom
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Hell Yes
9. Favorite drink? Extra Dirty Martini
10. What is your favorite sport to watch? Tierney's indoor soccer- ( Recently scored her first goal!)
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes and still do
12. Pets? 1 very large cat named.....Tinkerbell
13. Favorite food? That's tough...Chocolate, Indian food, anything with Cheese
14. Last movie you watched? Meet the Parents
15. Favorite Day of the year?Any day That I can sleep in.
16. What do you do to vent anger? Yell
17. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Rollerskates
18. What is your favorite, fall or spring? Spring
19. Hugs or kisses? Both
20. What kind of pie? Peanut Butter Cream with a crushed Peanut and chocolate crust and whipped cream.
21. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes
22. Who is most likely to respond? I hope everyone
23. Who is least likely to respond? The people I dont tag
24. Living arrangements? Myself, Husband Jay, Tierney, Riley and Huge cat
25. When was the last time you cried?Last night at Tierney's choir concert...during her solo
26. What is on the floor of your closet? a HUGE tub of yarn
27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are tagging? My sister
28. The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are tagging? Adreanna -even though she's got a much more important post today ;)
29. Favorite smell? Freshly bathed 2 year olds
30. What inspires you? Other people, in general
31. What are you afraid of? Saying NO!
32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Very Cheesy
33. Favorite car?a Boxster
34. Favorite cat breed? Fat ones
35. Number of keys on your key ring? 4
36. How many years at your current job? Hmmmm..10 years today!
37. Favorite day of the week?Saturday
38. How many provinces have you lived in? None.
39. How many countries have you been to? 2

Here's who I'm tagging, and as Meleah said, it's totally optional of course
AndreAnna

My Sister

Momo Fali

Michael C

10. Long. Years.

2008-02-27T09:40:00.003-05:00

Just Kidding.....Tomorrow is my 10th Anniversary. Yesterday I had my kids watch our wedding video. Well, I duct taped them to the couch and did wouldn't let them move or speak. (j/k again!) They didn't even recognize their own Father because he didn't have his Goatee then.

Our wedding was an event. It was held at the country club where I was the Head Pastry Chef at the time. We got a discount, it was convenient for people to get to and it really is a beautiful place. We had it all planned out and 3 weeks before the wedding the catering department came to me with a request. Could they cancel all my plans and re-plan it, the way they wanted, so they could shoot a commercial and a video to show prospective brides and grooms? And for a Contest for the Lifetime channel called "The Ultimate Wedding." I was a little stunned, but once they started giving me the details, I jumped on it. No extra cost, and this was to be the NICEST wedding they'd ever done. We had an excellent Executive Chef at the time, so I totally trusted him to plan the menu. They wanted to bring in a 12 piece band (with a brass section) From the Hudson Club in NYC. Flowers covering ever square inch of the place. We were having the ceremony downstairs and were being married my my Uncle and Godfather who is a Judge. Then we moved up to the dining room for the reception. The Pastry Chef before me was a great friend of mine and she offered to do our wedding cake as a gift. It was gorgeous! I made the dessert. Heart shaped Napoleons filled with pastry cream and fresh Raspberries around the edges. Whipped cream on top, with abstract spun sugar designs on each one. I wish I had a scanner to add photos, but I don't......sorry!
The wedding was spectacular, aside from it looking like the set of a movie. And I was a nervous wreck. We had to do so many things more then once, so they could get good shots. We had drive up to the club and get out of the limo twice. I was so nervous, that having to do things over and over just made it 50 times worse. I think the guests got a kick out of it though. Right before the ceremony started I poured a little bit of GREEN Scope Mouthwash down the side of my dress. I had had a glass or 2 or champagne at that point, so all I could do was nervously laugh it off. Oh well! What was I going to do? Ends up, you couldn't even see it.
All in all it was a Fantastic day and I would do it over and over again. Happy 10th Anniversary babe :)

Oh a side note (and this is really just to torture my sister), 2 weeks before the wedding my sister shows up at our apartment. (She was my Maid of Honor) I was in the bathroom and my husband answered the door. The only thing my Husband could say to her was "Your sister is going to KILL you." She comes up the stairs and gets to the top, just as I was coming out of the bathroom. My jaw dropped. I choked and had to prevent myself from wrapping my hands around her neck. Her almost-down-to-her-butt, curly blond hair was GONE. She was completely bald except for this little tuft of hair that were supposed to be bangs. That's my sister.....takes her own path, does her own thing, and that's why I love her. Except for that moment. I don't think I actually said much. I was speechless. I think I muttered something about, "You do remember this is going to be on TV right?!"
Anyway, she may be planning a wedding in the near future and let it be said that Paybacks are a bitch. I'm making the Cayenne flavored wedding cake, with Tabasco filling. Er, I mean the wedding cake of her dreams..... :D

Fun times!

2008-02-25T09:47:00.003-05:00

Well, the week ended with the kids home from school because of the snow. I panicked a bit, because I knew I had a ton of baking and creating to do. I managed to get it done. The first picture was for a pool party at the local college. You can rent it out for the day and the kids have a blast. I didn't charge much for it, because it was for a co-worker or my husband. (I know...SAP!)

The second cake was MOST important to me, because it was for my Uncle's 60th Birthday party. He's a driver for FedEx Freight and He loves his job. So I based the theme on that.

I had originally had the truck up, and off the cake board, with the wheels and trailer holders, etc. BUT, it was a little to unstable for my liking, so I took it down and cut the wheels in half. He was so surprised and thrilled with how it came out. I was happy, but a little disappointed, as I only had an hour to cut, shape and ice it. Adding the fondant is easy, I just had to be exact, since there was no time for adjustments. Enjoy!

N.O.

2008-02-21T15:43:00.002-05:00

I have a very hard time putting those two letters together to form a word. I know it and I fully admit it.
Hi, My name is Kelly and I can't say no. This is my addiction....or affliction.
SO, WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TATTOO IT TO MY FOREHEAD????
I get a phone call last night from the mother of one of the little girls at the bus stop. I usually only see her in the afternoon, as her daughter gets on the bus at her Grandmother's house in the morning. I've gotten to know her a bit and we're friendly. Friendly. Chatting friendly, not hang out friendly, you know what I mean? Well, she calls last night and is a raving lunatic. I had stupidly given her my phone number, as sometimes she is running late. (Why, I have no idea, since she's done with work around noon) She's going on and on about being pissed off at her mother. Her Mother adopted 2 middle school aged boys and supposedly one of them hurt Kayla (the little girl, who's 6 or 7) that morning, and it was Kayla's fault, according to her mother. So, She was calling me to ask if I could watch her daughter in the morning. Starting at 5:45 am. ???? What am I supposed to say?! She wants to drop her off at 5:45, have me feed her breakfast and then put her on the bus at 9. She says she'll pay me, but being a single Mom, it won't be much, so she says. So basically, I'm getting up 2 hours earlier then I usually do, which is going to wake my 2 year old up, he's going to get off schedule, and then by 8 am, I'll have 4 children to get ready and keep occupied for an hour. What do I say....YES. (If you hear banging, it's my head, on the wall.)
So, this morning I get up at 5:30. I make coffee and sit and wait for her to arrive. 5:45, 6:00, 6:15, 6:30...no show. At 7 the phone rings. "oh I decided to go in a little late, so I'm going to bring her over around 7:45." WTF!!!! My son had already gotten up at about 6:15, because he heard my husbands alarm go off. I crawl back into bed seething with lack of sleep and anger. I had woken up almost every hour during the night, because I was afraid I was going to sleep through the alarm. My regular alarm is in the form of a 2 year old, so I was all out of whack.
Now, I had just agreed to this and sprung it on my husband when he got home. He was NOT happy last night. He doesn't sleep well, and the thought of having a strange child in the house at 5:45 in the morning, didn't go over well.
I get to the bus stop this afternoon with every intention of telling her I can't do this. It's just going to be too disruptive to our morning routine. I completely chicken out. My husband calls after we get home and flips because I didn't say anything. He asks for her phone number. I didn't want him to fight my battle, but this is a woman who I fear a little bit. I've seen her angry. She has a temper. I wanted to avoid it at all costs. He told me I really need to "grow a pair". He calls her and leaves a message. SO, she calls and I have to explain the whole situation anyway. She says "well, we're all adults and you should have said something." I BARELY KNOW YOU LADY!!! So, I'm off the hook, thank goodness, she's going to call Kayla's father and tell him he's going to have to figure something out. And she couldn't have done that from the start, WHY???

So, that's my story. I'm off to get another tattoo. All the rest are hidden. Not this one. Smack dab in the middle of my forehead.

Fun Friday!!! Canadian Billboards

2008-02-15T08:25:00.010-05:00

I couldn't resist......Too Funny!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2008-02-14T08:06:00.004-05:00

I'd send you the finest chocolates from France

And Little Red Hot Hearts that would make your tongue Dance

I'd bake heart shaped cookies and decorate them too

But I'd do this for anyone, not just you, because today is a day that no one deserves to be blue :)

This Cheesy poem is dedicated to all my friends and loved ones......Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

The longest week of my Life. EVER.

2008-02-08T17:06:00.000-05:00

OKay, so I'm alive and well. Thanks to Meleah for the search party and to Somegirl for the preperation of Chuck Norris moves, just in case.
Let's begin our story with last Saturday. My parents had been gone on a cruise for a week at this point, and my children were having major grandparent withdrawls. So they were a little cranky. Husband decides, in all his unhandiness (Webster's, please note the new word), that he's going to change the brake pads on his car. He's done it with my Dad a few times (or watched a few times) so felt he could do it. Great. It's like 2 degrees and he goes out, does it, and as he's putting the tire back on one side, he brakes 3, not 1, but 3 bolts and lug nuts that hold the tire on. Who knew I was married to Hercules?! He then decides to at least check the brakes and Lo and Behold, They don't work!!! He almost plows down the fence to the back yard. So, Since my handy Father is away and we're not about to try and drive to a mechanic or have it towed, I end up CAR-LESS all week.
Anyway, Littlest one had a slight fever all day, so I stayed home while my husband took Oldest to her indoor soccer game (Her team is undefeated so far...whoo hooo!) They come home, we eat, put said children to bed and proceed with our evening, just relaxing. Now, we have a deal on the weekends.....I get to sleep in one morning, and he gets the other. Saturday moring he slept in. Saturday evening, getting ready to go to bed, and I walk over to shut off the computer. Odd. It's off. I think nothing of it, he probably turned it off.
I sleep like the dead. He gets up with the kids. Now, when he's sleeping in, I make sure no one goes into the bedroom, that everyone is reasonably quiet, and we let him sleep as late as he wants. When I sleep in, little people are in and out of the bedroom, banging on the door, etc. I usually just roll over, cover my head with a pillow and eventually they go away. This is how Sunday morning plays out: Poke, poke, poke to my shoulder. "Babe, the computer won't turn on." Ummmm, I'm not the one with the NEDC (network engineering and data communications) certificate, am I? "and that requires my attention, why? and it's not even 9 am and you're waking ME for this?" Oldest child comes running into the bedroom yelling "MOM My Webkinz are going to DIE if I can't get online to feed them!!!" Wow...I really needed to be awoken for this. I am not a morning person, so let's just say, I don't get up the happiest camper at that point. I walk out and try to turn on the computer. "Oh, look at that, I can't turn it on either. My magical fingers must still be sleeping, like the rest of me should be!" Everyone backed off a little at that point. Husband very smartly brings me a cup of coffee. I proceed to take the computer apart and decide we need a new power supply. Send him to Radio Shack as soon as it opens. Doesn't work. Call emachines, who want to charge me 39.00 for a CONVERSATION. But the very nice man that I spoke to said in basic code, that if it wasn't my power supply, it was my Mother Board. Thanks for saving me 39.00 dude. So Monday, I call the Geek squad. The tell me it could be 50 other things, and I should take it to the nearest Best Buy. If I haven't said it before, I live in the middle of nowhere. Pine Barrens, Jersey Devil, practically surrounded by all military owned land. So the nearest Best Buy is 45 minutes. HA! Doesn't matter, I don't have a car!!!
Tuesday rolls around and Husband remembers he dealt with some computer-fix-it-guy at his last job. Calls him. Comes and gets the computer. Now, I'm starting to sweat it out a little. Every picture of my 2 year old, since birth is on this computer. Thousands of songs. All my cake photographs. All access to my website. Insert plug here: www.fortheloveofcakenj.com
I come to the realization that I rely WAY to heavily on this computer. Bordering addiction.
Guy looks at it, yes, it's the mother board, (and I am a genius, thanks), has to order one, it will be a few days until we have our computer back.
Here it comes......Major breakdown. I have no car, no computer AND the kids have half days all week, so they're home early with nothing to do. (Oldest and a little girl I watch)
Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity, Fuck. Sorry for the language, but I'm now facing the longest week of my life. And to top it all off, I was supposed to have a flyer done for the PTO for my meeting Thursday night.
So, $200 later, I am back online, The Webkinz survived and my children are gone for the night. I drank heavily this week. Had to. What the hell else was I supposed to do with myself? Oh and I knitted and entire sweater for me.
I MISSED MY BLOGGIN' PEEPS SO MUCH!!! I'm glad to be back. Now I'm off to have a very dirty martini. XOXO

Friday's top ten list: Favorite sentences out of my son's mouth this week.

2008-02-01T08:37:00.000-05:00

Oh, to be 2 and repeat everything your 8 year old sister says. Or pick it up, store it and use it at another perfect moment. And Ifeel really sorry for our cat, Tinkerbell. Here they are, both in nice peaceful states......for a moment.

#10- "I smell TT's Butt?" After my 8 year old so nicely passed gas in his face, that was his response.

#9-" I smell Kaleigh's butt?" The next morning, as the little girl I watch arrives. And he so nicely said it in front of her Police Chief father.

#8- The next four all took place in a span of 10 minutes... " I Lof cat!" As he lays on her.

#7- " I hit cat?" No the cat will hit you back.

#6 - "I smell cat butt?" No, that's beyond nasty.

#5- "Cat hit me." Did you hit cat, after I told you not to? "Yes, I hit cat, cat hit me." Duh Mom.

#4- " I smell Mommy butt?" NO, and please stop chasing me around the house.

#3- After my husband so nicely passed gas...."EEEWWW, I smell Daddy butt!" That'll learn ya!!

#2- With cheesy puff covered hands, "I pick my nose?". No, not now, not ever.

And the #1 greatest sentence of the week is:

"DUM FUCK!!!!" as some very nice township workers drove by us at the bus stop in......you guessed it...a Dump truck. I really thought the other parents at the stop were going to choke to death on their laughter.....

I'm just sayin'...consider it

2008-01-29T09:43:00.000-05:00

Now, I'm not going to get all political on you, BUT if you don't want the world to come to an end, don't vote for Mitt Romney. I am not religious, and I have to say it is because of the Mormons. I was for a very short period of time, and it is a cult. Horrible experiences, that I'd really like to black out.
Anywho, Let me tell you what will happen if a MORMON makes it to the white house.

1) We'll all have to wear special underwear called garments. Not more thongs, Lacy boy shorts, etc. Granny panties all the way. Victoria's Secret will become an underground store. Think black market lingerie. A man approaches you, opens his overcoat and has all kinds of Lacy things hanging on the inside. It will be one of those "meet me in a dark alley, if you want those red panties." moments.
2) Every last drop of caffeine will be removed from the earth. No Small World. No Caramel Macchiatos, no Coke with lime. You get the picture.
3) No smoking. Anything.
4) Before any worldly decision is made, Romney will have to consult his "prophet". Some guy who's name was pulled out of a hat by 12 other guys and Viola, he's an all knowing, all seeing "prophet", who's just going to use Romney as his puppet to rule the world.
5) Ladies, the worst of it is for us. We're seen as child bearing vessels, who must cover almost every inch of our bodies in clothing. Practically a Burka. If you work, you'll be fired and will be confined to your house to do "Woman's work."
6) Tom Cruise will move to mars, because he and his Scientolobot wife and Scientolotot won't stand for the changes. Wait, that's a good thing.
7)NO ALCOHOL. Think Prohibition, only worse. All the alcoholic starlets will get the dt's, and stop making movies. Oh wait, that doesn't matter, only G movies will be made from now on.
8) Some freaky Future teller of the church,(Seriously there really is one) will basically tell us all that we're going to hell, because we haven't been following the word of God for our whole lives. There might be a slight chance that you'll get into one of their three levels of heaven. We're talking slim chance people.
9) If you ever go to Utah, don't plan on coming back. You get off the plane, they brainwash you before you even get out of the airport, and you're forever trapped in a world of Stepford Mormons. They'll expect you to start breeding mini-Mormons immediately.
10) Everywhere you go there will missionaries in black pants and white shirts. We'd call them the "morality police". But they'd call it "spreading the "good word".
11) If you get married, it will take place in a creepy room, in some big temple, with only You, your spouse and some guy who I really think just wants to watch you procreate for the first time. No one is allowed to discuss this ceremony. I'm telling you it's some bizarre threesome.

Which leads me to #12......NO SEX. No Pleasure sex, only Procreation Sex. Basically a wham-bam-thank-you-Mame-now-your-knocked-up.

So, If you'd like your world to stay somewhat the same, DON'T VOTE FOR THE MORMON!

Disclaimer: I don't mean to offend anyone, I'm just telling it like it is.....

Operation Homefront and Operation Santa

2008-01-28T10:05:00.000-05:00

Whew, is all I can really say. I worked my ass off last week. And before you go any further, if you don't want to be depressed, you might want to stop reading now.
A neighbor of mine runs the Operation Santa and Operation Homefront on Fort Dix and McGuire AFB. She is a very nice woman...the tough-as-nails-broad type. Doesn't take crap from anyone and is willing to do anything to help someone out in a heartbeat. So, I felt I needed to do the same for her. She has been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer on the outside of her throat. Knowing that she would be starting chemo and radiation soon, I offered to help her at the "building" (where both Operations are run out of). She jumped at the chance for help. This time of year is almost busier then Christmas, since stores donate their leftover clearance stuff that didn't sell. Toys, stuffed animals, books, etc. You wouldn't believe the amount of stuff. I took my son with me and he was in heaven. They also have used toys that are donated for other families that might need things on the base, but most of it is new. Everything old gets washed and we have a group of prisoners that come in to help. I busted my butt. Sorted books, arranged toys by age and type of toy, organized, organized and organized. It was an exhausting week, but I left feeling really good because we got most of it done. I felt like I had worked off the little gifts she's constantly leaving at the door for the kids. She's probably in her 60's and has 2 daughters who don't appreciate her at all. It's sad. This is Cancer instance #1.
Saturday afternoon, there's a knock at my door. There stands my favorite customer. I had not heard from her since Thanksgiving and I truly felt that something was wrong. She'd sometimes stop by, just to drop off cooking articles, goodies for the kids or neat old cookbooks (I collect old and antique cookbooks). Her mother happened to be a Home Ec. teacher back in the day. Well, as it happens, she lives with her partner (and they're in they're 60's, easily) and they're very cool ladies. As it turns out, a week before Christmas, her partner had a massive infection in her body, that paralyzed and she almost died. Good news is, she's home and on the mend. Bad news is that My Customer has 3 large tumors on the lymph nodes in her neck. Not a good outlook, says she. I am crushed. Whenever she calls, I know exactly what she'll want. Lemon cake with lemon curd filling and and lemon curd whipped cream, or my award winning cheesecake covered in ganache. And here it is : Cancer instance #2.
Lastly My Aunt in Canada was on her deathbed a few months ago, with you guessed it, cancer. Leukemia. Thankfully, she is in remission now, although they're not expecting it to last long.
WHY??? WHY??? WHY????? It's everywhere and this week it's got me down a bit. I found 2 lumps. THANKFULLY, they're nothing. I hate it. The ones who most certainly do not deserve to get it do. Not that anyone deserves to get Cancer, but some people are just angels that you'd expect to coast through with their health. I need to get out of this funk.....

We'll be back after these messages.......

2008-01-23T08:07:00.000-05:00

This is one of those CRAZY busy weeks. I've been working on the Military base and am officially exhausted. Today should be the last day.....although there is a chance I could be there until Friday. We'll see. I will be back to write about my adventures........

Bitch. Nuff Said.

2008-01-17T09:22:00.000-05:00

Rachael Ray – Dunkin' Coffee is S***Talk about biting the coffee bean that feeds you: Rachael Ray might be shilling for Dunkin' Donuts coffee and donuts on TV, but when push comes to drink, it's all Starbucks for RR.A spy for NYmag.com's Grub Street reports that on the set of Rachael's latest Dunkin' spot, she was given a cup of joe – but after just one sip, she yelled, "What is this s**t? Get me MY coffee." And, as it happens, HER coffee was from the competition, Starbucks.

Comfort food

2008-01-16T09:31:00.000-05:00

I'm not a huge fan of the winter. I do like the seasons, but I either want a lot of snow, or for it to be some what warm. Being that it's cold and we have some snow on the ground, it brings out my want and need to cook and bake. Two words: Comfort Food. What justifies Comfort food for you? Is it food that you had as a child? Something that reminds you of a special event? Something a favorite relative made for you? Or is just a warm delicious meal, that fills you with good feelings?
For me it's all of the above. My Grandmothers baked Macaroni and cheese, with layers of macaroni and cheddar cheese a bit of milk, and baked into creamy goodness. (or as my tasteless husband calls it, Mac and milk) It brings fond memories of spending the summer in Long Island. They lived on the water, and my Grandfather and I would go out and fish, and come home to a smell so heavenly, I'd run off the boat and into the house. She made the greatest fish balls. (I know, sounds weird) Cod fish with mashed potatoes, shaped into balls, dredged in cracker meal and fried. You flattened them with your fork, in a certain way, added a dollop of Ketchup and your taste buds would sing. My grandmother was probably where I unknowingly at the time, got my love of food. Almost everyday we would make fresh bread. Is there anything better on earth, then a slice of fresh bread from the oven, slathered with butter?!
My Mother is an excellent cook also. She just fears the knife, and that's a hindrance in the kitchen. I taught knife skills classes, and did she sign up? No! And why didn't she? Because she knows I will come to her house, hear her in the kitchen snipping herbs with scissors, or something crazy like that, and although I try with every bone in my body, I will eventually come flying into the kitchen Yelling for her to remove herself from the room, before I lose it. She does it, because she know that I can chop, dice, julienne, brunoise and sliver in the time it would take her to peel a carrot. She reads me like I book. My Mother was fond of making what we called "wing-it's) meaning she just throw a bunch of stuff together and hope that it came out good. I have to give her credit, 95% of the time, they were good.
Aaaahhhh now onto my own menu for this week. Monday I made a cross between authentic bechamel lasagna. (Lasagna Bolognese) and the traditional Lasagna Napolitana, with ricotta, mozzarella, and Parmesan cheeses. Now, I will admit that I do not cook lasagna noodles anymore. I LOVE the Barilla no cook noodles. The stay firm, not soggy, like some other brands. I learned this through process of elimination, while teaching a basic cooking skills coarse. I layered noodles, bechamel (cream sauce) added dollops of ricotta, generously sprinkled shredded mozz, and then the sauce. I did four layers, topped it with lots of mozz and Parmesan. The key to not letting the foil stick to the cheese is to lightly spray the underside of the foil with cooking spray. I baked it, made a post of meatballs and sausage with sauce, and awaited a taste bud party. Well, I loved it, it was so creamy, and but still held up so nicely. my 2 year old loved it. (he's a cheese fiend) My husband loved it. My 8 year old...not so much. Oh well, I can't win them all.
Today I'm take a huge piece of beef chuck, adding finely diced onions, some green chilli's, cumin, cilantro, a pinch of coriander, and a bit of beef stock. I'll slow cook it in a cast iron dutch oven, all day and then take it out and shredded it. I'll let the heavily scented juices reduced a bit and with the meat added back in. When it's done, I'll make soft tacos or quesadillas, whatever they're in the mood for. Cheddar cheese, tender meat, fresh mango salsa, a dollop of sour cream, whatever they crave. This is my 8 year old's favorite meal. It fill my heart and soul to know, that I am creating memories of comfort food for her. She cooks at my Mom's house, but I don't really let her do to much here. I have gas, my mom has electric, I have extremely sharp knives, and honestly it's sad to say, I don't have the patience to teach children. I must have total control in the kitchen, or have someone to bark orders to, and I don't want to do that to her yet.
So, I hope I haven't left you starving...(I am). If I have, think about your favorite comfort food and find the time to make it. It really does make you feel good.

Sister Dear, here it is.....

2008-01-14T12:23:00.000-05:00

My sister feels it necessary to make fun of these rabbits that I make as baby gifts. Here is a normal one:

So I felt it was necessary to make her the ugliest one I possibly could.

Here is is as promised. I never put buttons on the baby ones......but I did on yours, in hope that you might CHOKE on them. Bwahahahahahaha!!

Love ya #1!

Go Ahead. Make fun.

2008-01-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

Over the last few days, I have heard nothing but teasing and taunting from my Family members. Here is why: I can NOT sit and watch tv or even just sit for a little while, without NEEDING to do something with my hands. I can sit for hours and create these gumpaste flowers that have to be cut and shaped petal by petal.

This is why I don't have a desk job. There is no way I could sit still through an entire day. Even if I spent the whole day just typing, still wouldn't satify that itch. So here are my projects from recent weeks, or days. The lovely Blue sweater with a pocket front and roll neck collar, that I knitted in about 4 days. It had a hood. I had to remove it, because it wouldn't fit over my sons head. It still doesn't and everytime I go near him holding the sweater, he runs in the other directions screaming "NO FIT" and "DON'T WANT IT". Well, Thanks little buddy, you'll have this sweater forever and I'll just make fun of you for having big head in a few years. Not the fact that I may have knit it to tight. My daughter LOVES hers and has worn it endlessly. I am now in the process of making myself one, and if I hear one more time "make sure it fits over your head", from my wonderful husband, I'm going to knit him the ugliest one I possibly can.

So after knitting, I figured I'd take a break for a few nights, and have been making these: I have always been fascinated with Oragami. I got this really cool little kit for Christmas called "Minigami". When I was younger, I did it all the time. Something about paper folding, and watching this tiny paper transform into something is cool. Most of my family members couldn't name what half of these, in my mind, OBVIOUS shapes are. I'll leave it to you reader, to make your interpretations.

This photo---> is to give you a better idea of the size of these Minigami. Please, feel free to make fun, or even venture a guess as what some of these objects apparently aren't.

This post is really just to make fun of my family, and show them how little the appreciate my freakish activities.......and allow myself to accept the fact that my hands have some kind of hyperactivity disorder. Can you tell business is a little slow at the moment? All I have on the Calendar is a cake in the shape of a barn for this weekend......

Oh, and how much am I LOVING the new Canon?! LOOK at those close up! The detail! I love it!

Bath time

2008-01-02T12:59:00.000-05:00

Here is my boy, who since birth has hated the bath. Bathing him consisted of one of us getting in the shower and the other standing outside the shower and cleaning him. Slippery, slithery, and thankfully, never dropped. I am glad to say those days are over. For some BIZARRE reason he suddenly loves it and asks about 50 times a day if he take one. Santa brought him some new bath toys, maybe they we enticing enough to warrant getting. My daughter is in the tub also, but she a a little older, so she's staying out of view...you can hear the commentary and my son using his new favorite words.....which I now hear 50 times a day also.....

Christmas Chaos and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2007-12-31T11:42:00.000-05:00

Aaaahhhhhh...a sigh of relief that Christmas is over. We had a great day. Saturday night we went to my brother-in-laws house and had our "Christmas Eve" with them. We usually do it on the actual Christmas eve, but time was tight, and they go to church, so we opted to do it Saturday. My Son got a very cool toy. Or shall I say My husband got a very cool toy. Here "they" are opening it: I think Riley got to play with it once. It is a remote control Hummer that is huge. And bruised the back of my legs, when I got rammed by it. Spoiled rotten daughter got 2 new speaker hook-ups for her ipod. The iLuv that she can travel with, and paperback booked sized one that has incredible sound....I may have to confiscate that one.....My iRiver can hook up to it!!!

Christmas eve we had a nice quiet night at home waiting for Santa. Look at what he left! Presents, and 2 very excited crumb-snatchers!! The next morning, There's Tierney singing Karaoke with her new Singstar game for the PlayStation. (and yes her room looks like the inside of a pyramid or "tomb" as she calls it. And painted by me and my sis. The day she changes her mind about not wanting to be an Egyptologist, she can repaint the room herself!) And then there's my boy trying to ride his new bike in the kitchen.

After very little sleep, and lots of gift opening, I had to get prepared for the masses to arrive.

The menu consisted of: Crown Roast of pork, with Sausage and apple stuffing with a white wine gravy. Roast beef with Au jus. Orange and ginger glazed carrots, (hence the photo of the lobster shaped ginger that my husband brought home) Broccoli cheddar Au Gratin, creamed pearl onions, Twice baked potato casserole (cubed potatoes, bacon, mozz and cheddar cheeses, sour cream and scallions all baked together into 1 big creamy, heaven on earth dish) Yorkshire pudding, and for dessert Pineapple upside down cake and few dozen assorted cookies that I baked the day before. Since there was going to be a crowd, I decided to keep it simple.

My big exciting gifts were a new Canon powershot, (LOVE IT) and a chocolate fountain (DITTO). so while I was cooking and setting my gorgeous table with all my Spode Christmas tablecloths, napkins, and place settings,was anyone taking pictures? NO!! I have to check and see if my Dad got any shots of my "perfect" table, Or the rest of the day for that matter, since I was in the kitchen from the time everyone arrived until it was time to eat. The guest list was as follows:

Me, Jay, Tierney and Riley

My parents

My sister, her boyfriend, his son and some girl who's staying with them for a short time.

My Aunt Ruthann, Uncle Michael and my 17 yr.old cousin Chris. (who is a 2 time black belt and is now a Sensei). I was most worried about Christmas for them this year. 2 years ago, their older son who had just turned 21 and was home on Christmas break, accidentally hung himself on Christmas. Last year they did not celebrate, instead chose to go to Florida. When I invited them this year, I wasn't sure how it would go. They talk about him now, and it's a lot more relaxed, but being that it was "The Day". I didn't know if having fun would be a reminder or a good distraction. Ends up it was a FANTASTIC day for them. They had a great time and so did we. They are one of my closest relatives, this hit my sister and I hard. Here's how it plays out now: We have basically adopted my cousin as a younger brother. We laugh and always have a great time with him, and we know he appreciates it.

So as I'm winding down to getting dinner on the table, The chef comes out in me, and I start barking out orders to my cousin and my sister. I have him making Yorkshire pudding batter and I have my sister making gravies. I'm barking out or dumping ingredients, into both things at once, while trying to get everything else out at the exact same time, so everything is hot. I keep hearing my favorite words, after every command "Yes Chef!" They are quick learners and we get it all done quickly. Dinner is served, hot, and delicious. I can finally relax!!! We enjoyed ourselves tremendously and I had leftovers for days, thank goodness, because wouldn't you know it I wake up the next morning with an UNBELIEVABLE migraine, that kept me bedridden for 2 days. Hence the delay in posting. That and everyone has been home and up my ass to keep them occupied, even though they all have new toys!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight, we've chosen to stay home and have a quiet evening in. I'm doing a Swiss cheese fondue, with homemade bread crouton, sauteed Kielbasa and then we'll move onto the chocolate fountain and dip bananas, marshmallows, and pretzels. YUM!!

I want to say a huge Thanks to those who do read my blog. I love the interaction between people, the laughs, sad stories, the struggles, etc. Connections and friendships have been made that mean the world to me. I hope you all have a great New Year. XXOO -Chefmom (Kelly)

A Summary of my year on the computer

2007-12-22T09:37:00.000-05:00

I'm sure many of you have seen this, but I had a really good laugh!

1) I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
2) Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
3) I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
4) I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000.00 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.
5) I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
6) I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
7) I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
8) Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
9) Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
10) I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
11) I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put, "Under God" on their cans.
12) I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
13) And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... Disfiguring me for life.
14) I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
15) I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
16) I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
17) I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
18) I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan.
19) I no longer have any sneakers - but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
20) I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
21) Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
22) Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
23) And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
24) Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
25) If you don't send this email to at least 47,000 people in the next 47 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:47 p.m. this afternoon and the fleas from 47 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's Cousin's beautician.
Have a wonderful day... AND a scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their email with their hand on the mouse.Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. (lol)

Finally!! And don't be too impressed......

2007-12-21T08:26:00.001-05:00

Okay, so it's a disasterpiece like they always are. After wine, some cursing, icing that was too runny, my children standing in the kitchen wondering what happened to their mother and Aunt, and my sister deciding to go all Parliment Funkadelic on me, IT. IS. DONE.

Nothing works better then Hot glue......... I'm ready to smash it and we haven't even started
This is really how my sister feel about the activity.
A much needed beverage break....Sorry Meleah, i should have put a straw in it!
This is how I feel about my sister.......

My children wondering what the heck is going on in the kitchen...they were banned.

I will spare you the rest of the "in the process pix".....

I just couldn't get a great pic of the house lit......the cheap dollar store lights aren't very bright:(

ANd lastly, my sister going all Parliment Funkadelic on me.....

Fun times, Fun times.......Merry Christmas to all!

So it's not finished....

2007-12-19T19:16:00.001-05:00

Of course it's not done, I will be finishing it over the next day or so...wait for it......with pictures of the burnt lighthouse.

Tonight, we build.

2007-12-18T14:29:00.000-05:00

The whole gingerbread tradition started a few years ago, and every year there's always some major mishap. Like my SISTER dropping the roof. Like Using someone Else's pattern, and NONE of the pieces fitting together properly. I've learned a few things though:
1) Hot Glue works much better then icing. (no one is eating it anyway!!) We just cover the glue with icing.
2) Don't let your sister handle the roof.....or any other important parts for that matter.
3) There is no smell in the world Worse then burnt gingerbread. It lingers for days. No amount of pine scented Febreeze is doing the trick.
4) If it takes more then 1 day to build, nobody but me ends up finishing it.
5) If you ever buy me a gingerbread scented candle, I will lose all manners and re-gift it right back to you immediately.

So far, today's baking has gone WAY to smoothly. Except for the top part of the gingerbread lighthouse being slightly burned, but the top is usually black anyway right? I know that disaster awaits us......I wait for the impending arrival of my sister, and her comments about the smell of burnt gingerbread. Let the games begin. I will post pictures tomorrow, because nobody is leaving this house until it is done tonight!!

Tequila!!

2007-12-13T09:23:00.000-05:00

Just for fun

2007-12-12T21:09:00.000-05:00

I just couldn't resist posting these, when got these from my Mom this evening........

Shopping with Dad
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response, 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does with his time is smoke cigars, cruise around and impress people with tall tales , while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college I rarely see him, and he even buys in to a rumor that I'm a lesbian. What should I do? Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. Good grief woman! You don't need him any more! You're a senator from New York running for President of the United States. Act like one!

Disclaimer: I am in no way partial or impartial to any candidate yet, I just thought this was SO funny!!!

The most creative way to answer the phone. Ever.

2007-12-12T14:19:00.000-05:00

I couldn't resist posting this. I've had it for a while, but had forgotten about it, until I heard my husband listening to it last night. I have an even better one for tomorrow. Enjoy!
How to prank a Telemarketer

This is for my Dear Dumb Ass Sister

2007-12-10T11:28:00.000-05:00

Aaaaahhhhhh, Christmas love and torture for my sister.....

Here is the lovely Yule log that I made for Sundays Family event. The piece of wood that that my sister thought I was bring to my Aunts. (Who, by the way, DOES NOT have a fireplace) Yeah, she's a genius, I know....This one's for you Blondie :)

So is the Rastafarian, cause he's irresistible:

A Meme: How do you do Christmas

2007-12-10T11:04:00.000-05:00

I say this on Meleah's blog and thought I'd play along.....

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper.
2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial, for only the second year, and it's just not the same. I light as many pine scents candles as I can.
3. When do you put up the tree? Today, not sure if I'm going to put ornaments on yet though....gonna let the 2 year old adjust to the tree and then see what happens.
4. When do you take the tree down? Week between Christmas and New Years
5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, but it does not like me.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? A Cabbage patch kid....the year they were all the rage. I never thought I would get one and I did!!
7. Do you have a nativity scene? No!
8. Hardest person to buy for?My Mother
9. Easiest person to buy for?My son
10. Worst Christmas gift ever received? a shirt from my Grandmother, that I loved, but was like 15 sizes to small. That was they year my Mom took over shopping for her.
11. Mail or E-mail Christmas card?mail
12. Favorite Christmas movie? A White Christmas. Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney.....brings tears instantly
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? A week or so before
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Swiss cheese fondue, with French bread and ham
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Both
17. Favorite Christmas song? Anything by Nat King Cole..weird I know, but very nostaligic
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Home
19. Can you name Santa’s reindeer?Yes. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen. and Rudolph!!
20. Do you have an angel on top of the tree or a star? Star.
21. Open presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?Morning. But siblings are allowed to exchange there's Christmas Eve.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Shopping, anywhere thats NOT for online.

Letter to Santa

2007-12-06T09:44:00.000-05:00

Someone e-mailed this to me and I couldn't resist posting it!

Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years. Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze,but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes,Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.
It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet. (you promised me last year you would lose some weight with me so next year you and I could be a cute size two blond...OK, some requests go too far, but none the less.....
Yours Always,
MOM
...P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children, healthy, safe and of course, young enough to always believe in Santa.

Getting in the Mood

2007-12-04T12:49:00.000-05:00

I'm trying.....Christmas is quickly creeping up on me and I really haven't done much. I'm having a little bit of trouble getting into the mood, because I have been SO busy. I also live with the biggest Grinch in the world. For him Christmas always Sucked while he was growing up. I try to share my enthusiasm with him and thought the kids would help get him into the mood, but alas, no. This would be the time that I turn to food. Last night I called my sister and asked her if she knew what it was time to do. Silence. Dumb Ass, I said, it is Gingerbread season!! Nothing gets me in the mood more then constructing a work of art (or a disaster-piece) out of gingerbread. The kids love it, I will travel with it to show it off, and it even spends a day at school. I personally wanted to do a trailer park this year, with a spun sugar tornado, and my sister was so excited, but it's not very PC. Damn, another fun-ruin-er. I will attempt to get that started over the next few days. (see some of previous years at www.fortheloveofcakenj.com) Then I move on to Christmas cookies, and fudge. Hundreds of cookies. I could spend days just making cookies. Nothing gives me greater pleasure then the assorted smells of cookies, lingering in the house for days. I just give them away. Enjoy.
This weekend I will be attending a family function and was asked by my very bright sister what I would be bringing. "A Yule Log", I replied proudly. Silence. "You're bringing our Aunt, WOOD? She doesn't even have a fireplace." Oh. My. God. Her blond is showing through. No my dear, I am bringing a Buche de Noel, a log of CAKE, which you eat. And one with which I may beat you over the head with. I figured if I used the correct term, she'd have no clue what it was anyway. No matter, she thinks I'm bring wood.
On to trying to plan Christmas dinner. Our families policy has always been an open door, and all strays are welcome. One just never knows how many strays will come at the last minute. As of now, I'm up to 15. I am having such a hard time trying to decide what to make. I hate sticking with the traditional. I do that for Thanksgiving. I want different, unique, things I haven't made for these people before. But as a chef and foodie, my thoughts are probably far to weird for many of my guests. So for now, I will peruse the websites, cookbooks, and my own recipes for the perfect meal. I will conquer the greatest gingerbread house ever. Possibly a replica of something. Ideas???????
One last thought that I got an order for last night and I am SSSOOOO craving it now. Warm Fudge-filled cheesecake........heaven in a springform pan.

Crazy Busy

2007-12-03T10:56:00.000-05:00

This has just been the longest two weeks EVER!! My Husbands grandmother died. Sad, but she lived in Florida and we didn't get to see her often. She was 93, so she loved a good long life.

I have been in cake Hell. Here are some pictures. The original plan for this cake was that I was going to imprint this pineapple crochet design into the fondant. Of course, I wait until the last minute to attempt this and it looked like SHIT. So, i get up the morning of the wedding and pipe all these little designs on. This was a Victorian/contemporary wedding. Sorry, but in my mind, they don't mesh. The bride is a librarian and she was wearing her mother's dress with a crochet overlay, with string in an assortment of colors. Here is the cake with the AWFUL topper, that she bought at a thrift store and added all the flowers to. her mother then crocheted a "dress" for the little bride.....ugh.

Don't ruin my cakes with that crap!!!!! Sorry...I have to vent. Then there was the farm cake, that I got a little crazy with. Throw the "1" in and I need a bigger fridge. So, after delivering all cakes, I fly to my daughters school to help with the Kids Santa Sale. It's pretty cute, but very chaotic. A little shop is set up and the kids can come in and shop for family members, on their own. It's

cute stuff, like things that say Mom or Aunt, sister, etc. I wrapped about a million little gifts, and then came home and CRASHED! Drank wine and was sadly in bed by 10. The reason it's sad it that my parents took both kids for the night, and I couldn't muster the energy to do anything. I did take the time thought to "ELF" my kids, because I loved Meleah's and here it is:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1123664698

They are so cute, if I do say so myself.

On another note, I am boycotting my local supermarket. I don't care if I have to drive 25 minutes to another one. I'm sure you can guess WHY I'm boycotting. As I walked down an Aisle the other day, who's Nails-on-a-chalkboard-voice comes over the load speaker?! None other then, you guessed it, Rachel-I-Despise-you-so-much-Ray. It is not bad enough that she's on EVERY DAMN cracker box?? Without actually sounding like a death threat, I have to find some way to write to her or the cracker company and let them know how I really feel about her Joker smile, annoying voice, and awful recipes. Have you seen the latest commercial.....and believe me I avoid them at all costs, but since my family members find it HYSTERICAL to blast the TV when she comes on, I have no choice. Who the FUCK (pardon the language) would eat DEVILED HAM SPREAD WITH GREEN OLIVES? I gag just thinking about it. Let's step back into the 21st century Be-otch. Okay, I'm done, that will be my last rant about the witch. I must move on, even though she's everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!

All is good in the world right now

2007-11-21T11:48:00.000-05:00

Well, here we are the day before Thanksgiving, and I have to admit it, I am way ahead of the game. My little man is on the mend.....although a little bi-polar with all the meds. That's the only reason I'm starting to lose my mind. The military base has many planes landing today, with some troops coming home, and that makes it a great sound, even if they do sound like they're going to land on my roof. AND I have gotten an amazing amount of cooking done ahead of time! So tomorrows list will read like this:
Wake up.
Stuff Enormous Turkey
Put Enormous Turkey in the oven.
Have first mimosa.
Make sweet potatoes.
Have second mimosa.
Watch my favorite parade of all on TV.
Finish cooking whatever, (at this point mimosas should be kicking in...won't care about much)
Have more Mimosas, wine, etc.
Eat.
Have Husband clean up.
Serve Pear and dried cherry crisp with homemade ice cream.
have Husband clean up again.
All will be right in the world again.

Happy Thanksgiving all!!

Scary....much more scary then a sleepover

2007-11-19T17:15:00.000-05:00

This has been the LONGEST week of my life. Last Tuesday evening, my son started to get the symptoms of a cold. Now, for the last year every time he gets a cold, it sets of asthma. They hadn't officially diagnosed it as that, because it had all these stipulations to go with it. Had to be on a steroid a certain number of times, had to have so many attacks, etc. Nothing about it being so bad, that an ER trip was necessary to stop it, and even then, THEY struggled, to get this tiny set of lungs to breathe properly. That all took place in June. Here we are 5 attacks, or colds, later and Tuesday night my son is gasping for breathe and my 8 year old is pointing out the obvious. "MOM, he's turning blue." I gave him 1 treatment, then another, then 2 doses of a steroid, and finally, his light blue hue faded. I had learned not to rush off to the hospital, and just follow the regimen. Yikes. For the next 2 days I counted breathes, checked him temperature, and kept giving him treatments, as I felt he needed them.
Friday morning, he babbled incoherently ( he was sleeping next to me), but didn't move. I thought he was just waking up slowly. I rolled towards him to snuggle him in and saw that his face was flaming red. I tried to wake him. He was barely awake, just muttering things I couldn't understand. I took his temperature and it was 104.5. I'm watching his stomach, as I'm taking his temperature, and he's got a hole so sunken in , on his chest, that I can fit my thumb into it. He was retracting hard. (meaning his diaphragm was working VERY hard to push the breathe in and out of his lungs. I woke Tierney and was out of the house in minutes, dropping her off on my way out for someone else to put her on the bus. We get to the Dr.'s office and low and behold, he's got pneumonia. I feel so guilty. I followed everything to a T! I immediately blame the little girl, that I watch in the morning and afternoon. Her father is newly divorced, a Police Chief, and I feel sorry for her. Except that he's so busy he can't take her to the Dr. and every time she comes over sick, Riley ends up sick and having asthma attacks. She doesn't cover her mouth, plays with his toys, and infests my house with every germ on her. My daughter has become fantastically diligent in hand washing and sanitizing. She hates to see her brother like this. I irritates me to no end, that he uses me like this. (and only pays me at HIS convenience....a whole nother story.) I understand that he has no one else to turn too. But I have explained OVER and OVER the situation with my son. Whatever. Anyway, since Friday, I have administered nebulizer treatments every four hours, even through the night. I feel like a walking zombie. I feel that no amount of sleep could even take me out of this haze. I had a cake to do for someone on Saturday. I made the filling, made the icing, cut the cake into the correct shape, and proceeded to ice and decorate it......without the filling. Thankfully, I knew the family well, and I gave them the filling, on the side and they served it with the cake. And laughed at me. Today we went back, and we have to continue this for a few more days, and then start to decrease it. My own family can't believe that a chef like me hasn't even set the menu for Thanksgiving. You people will be lucky if you even get Turkey. Tease, Tease, Tease...... it's all fun and games until there's nothing to eat! Thankfully, he's on the mend, and we'll be starting a daily treatment to prevent this from progressing to pneumonia again. Sorry about the bitching.....just need to get it all out, and relieve some of the stress and exhaustion. Happy Turkey day, as that's all you'll be getting.

P.s. Damn it! They know I'll pull this fabulous meal out of my ass! Curse the perfectionism in me!!

Oh. My. God.

2007-11-12T16:47:00.000-05:00

I am still recovering from what had to be the longest night of my life. To start, Friday night I let the cat out of the bag that I had a surprise guest coming. OOpps. In my wine haze, I thought I was being quiet and Tierney was in the other room. That was the first of excited outbursts. We had just finished her requested Birthday dinner of, Grilled London Broil, Sauteed Tilapia with butter, lemon and herbs de provence, Baked asparagus with crumbled Blue cheese, and Great-Grandmas Baked Macaroni and cheese. (She totally chose this all herself!)

I made sure the surprise guest was coming an hour earlier then everyone else, so T and her friend would have some time to catch up. (she is from where we used to live)The MINUTE Tierney opened her eyes Saturday morning, she wanted to know How many hours until she came. This went on all day, with her announcing every hour how much time was left. Starting to lose my mind at this point. The rest of the guests were coming at 5. At 3:30, I chose to have a relaxing, lets-get-this-over-with glass of wine. At 4 Nina arrived, and Her very cool Mom had brought us another bottle of wine!! Yea! We were off to a good start. At exactly 5, one after another they marched in, bouncing off the walls. Moms left phone numbers, were they would be (of course they were all running for the hills, laughing at me) and poof were gone. More wine. We ordered pizza in the midst of the yelling and running and torturing the 2 year old. A quick flurry of gift opening and then the first argument. One of the girls had brought a game that nobody knew how to play, and my son wanted to take the pieces and run. She pouted for about an hour. I have no patience for that kind of drama. I very nicely told her it would be a long night, if she kept it up and she was welcome to go home, if she was that mad. (I'm really good friends with her Mom, so I knew I could torture her.) After a very short silence, while pizza was being inhaled, ( and oh my god, how do 5 girls eat 2 whole pizzas?) we moved on to what may have been my stupidest idea of the evening. I was going to to teach them cake decorating. Armed with Pastry bags, tons of sprinkles, and 2 dozen cupcakes, we were off.

I tried, I really did. A few made roses with my help, and then they all moved on to sprinkles. Needless to say, there was a carpet of sprinkles on the kitchen floor within minutes.

Here is T trying to make a rose:

Here is my Husband LOSING his mind with all the sprinkles everywhere.

I nipped the project in the bud as quickly as possible. Got them all into her room, put on a movie and though we were on our way to relaxing. Wrong. There were 3 very strong personalities there and they just fought over every little bit of attention. At this point my husband had taken my son to our room to try and get him to sleep with all the noise. He NEVER came back out. I thought that dirty rat had bailed on me and had left me to sink or swim!!!! Little did I know that every time they jumped or screamed they woke my son. I was starting to lose it. I made popcorn, two got into an argument and 1 decided to go home. (The pouter from earlier, who I didn't expect to make through the night anyway.) Made the call, and she was gone. Drama over and down 1. They finally started to settled down around 11, and another cam out crying. Every time she closed her eyes, she thought of her mom. Her mom had gone to a concert, so her Uncle was on Stand-by, but she didn't want to go there because it was boring. I nicely explained that she'd just end up going right to sleep anyway if she went there. She decided to go back in the room with the girls and was back out within a half an hour. Ninny me said, let's get your pillow and you can try to fall asleep here on the couch. I'll stay right here with you. 12, 12:30 and she finally fell asleep. At this point, I couldn't move her. I admit to having a few glasses of wine and figured, I'd walk into the room, trip on all the other girls, drop her, go down myself, and all hell would break loose. So what do I do???? I decide to sleep upright in the chair next to her!! at 3:30, I was still awake. At 4 I tried the floor. At 4:30, I gave up. I was worried that she'd wake up and have a moment of panic. The "where am I" fear.

I went to bed, and at 5 am, minutes after I had fallen asleep, our STUPID 25 lb. cat named "Tinkerbell" was scratching at our door. I finally gave up. Let her in, slept for an hour and everyone was up and ready for bacon, sausage and pancakes at 6. So, let's rehash........I slept for AN HOUR!!! I made breakfast, and had stupidly told parents pick up was 10 am, thinking the girls would sleep late, having been up late. They were done eating by 8:15 and proceeded to make a huge pile of pillows and blankets in the middle of my daughters floor and jump from her bed to the pile. I popped a xanax, sat down with my coffee and counted the minutes until I could sleep. My husband, who was in bed with my son at 8:30 said, oh you can just go to bed when everyone leaves, I'll take care of everything today. Everyone left and what does he do...???? "oh, can I just blow out the gutters really fast?" and then "Can I mow really fast?". That turned into a disaster, the mower wasn't working he came in the house, tried to reach something on the highest shelf in the laundry room, and proceeded to pull the entire shelf down. He ran out the door and left me, almost in tears cleaning up. (The neighbor was outside trying to "help". Idiots. FINALLY at 1 pm, I dragged myself to the bed and crashed. Of course Mommy can't nap ALONE, so my 2 year old slept with me. When he woke up I just yelled for someone to come get him and I went back to sleep. I still don't think I have recovered.....

NEVER AGAIN.

Feeling a little old

2007-11-09T21:24:00.000-05:00

So, it's 9:26 Friday night, November 9, 2007. 8 years, 3 hours and 17 minutes ago, I welcomed my 9 lb. 1oz. (yes, huge and born early) baby girl into the world. How can I, at the age of 33 have an 8 year old? And by my life's plan at the early age of god knows when, I wanted six kids. Crazy?! Yes. I guess that was pre-prozac, pre-xanax, and pre-vodka. I did spend a short period of time as a nanny and loved it. But only because I could LEAVE, at the end of the day, with no children. I love my kids, more then I ever thought I could. Tonight, a friend came by and wanted to know the story about Tierney's birth. My husband always wanted the TV/Movie scenario, where I said "It's Time!". ( He did get it with the second child) Instead I cursed him out about not needing the fucking bag for the hospital, because it was not HAPPENING TODAY!! Needless to say, the Dr. said "Do you have your bag? Today's the day! I think the baby's going to be big." ASSHOLE! What Dr. in their right mind sends a first time mother to the hospital thinking their about to give birth to a HUGE baby??!! I'm feeling old. 33 with an 8 year old. I seem so young compared to the Fem-Bots. I was a defiant young girl from as early as I possibly could get away with it. I see her heading in the same direction, and don't know how to handle her. My parents were BEYOND strict and that's why I rebeled. Anywho...here's to my girl, now 8......all growed up.... Cheers baby girl, Mommy raises a glass of wine and yummy cake to you :)

The First and most likely the Last

2007-11-07T10:54:00.000-05:00

My darling Daughter is turning on 8 on Friday. This year for her Birthday we gave her a choice. Find some Hokey place to have the party, invite a lot of friends, spend a fortune or Choose a select few (a few turned into 4) to sleep over and we would give her Money to shop to her hearts content ( a limited amount of money). She choose, drum roll please...the sleepover. UUUGGGHHHH, my stomach dropped. I am hoping that this teaches her 1) the value of money. How far an amount will really go. 1 big thing or lots of little things. Her choice. 2) That Mom really doesn't like sleepovers. I know that 1 child will not be spending the night. She doesn't do well, and I told her she could stay until 10 or so and then come back for breakfast in the morning. She only lives down the street, so it's no big deal. Another one may end up doing the same. Which leaves 1 quiet child and 1 very hyper one. I don't deal well with the crying at midnight. I know it sounds horrible, but I don't have the patience. I don't mean to sound heartless, but just tell me you want to go home and it's done. Easy enough. No Drama needed.
I am also a person that needs sleep and sleepovers don't allow that. AND I stupidly planned this in the middle of a 5 day weekend!!! AM I CRAZY? I guess it will give me time to recover, but it totally throws my routine off. Here is how I plan to have the evening to go:
5:00- everyone arrives.
5:05 -first shot of vodka for Mom
5:30- pizza. Originally I was going to make dough and do "make your own"...came to my senses on that one!!
5:40 -while they're eating, second and third shot of vodka for mom...possibly one for Dad at that point too.
6:00- go destroy Tierney's room time.
6:02-6:30 eat pizza myself and drink one very dirty martini
7:00- decorate you own cupcake time- not sure if this or make your own pizza would be worse. 1 quick cake decorating lesson and they are on their own.
7:45- Now that the sugar high has kicked in, time for Dirty martini#2.
8:00- Popcorn and a movie time for the kids, and by this point, I will probably have to FIND my husband. I know he has big plans an staying scarce during this party...think again buddy!
10:00 -kick out the ones that aren't staying, Give the lecture on the fact that a 2 year old sleeps in this house too and the first one to wake him will be sleeping in his bed with him.
10:10- kick up my feet, ignore the hell hole that was once my beautiful kitchen and drink Dirty Martini#3.
The next morning, I will get up, make them a lovely breakfast and promptly kick them all out.

I'll keep you posted on how it REALLY goes.

I am going to Bitch....

2007-11-05T10:59:00.000-05:00

I have since the day I saw her, hated her cheeky, round unbelievably annoying face. I hate the way she speaks, I hate the way she abbreviates everything or makes up some stupid word, that's in every commercial she is in. As I walk down the supermarket aisles now, She god awful grin is staring me in the face. I now boycott any product she promotes. And damn it, I like the iced coffee, but she ruined it for me. Her name is so hard for me to even write, let alone say. The Bitches name is RRRR.....Rachel. Ray. There are many reasons that I despise her. She has no professional training. She did work in a deli or something growing up, and her Mom was in the food industry somehow. The only reason I know these stupid facts are that my family thinks it is HYSTERICAL to send me links, pictures, articles etc. about her. About 2 years ago, they even went so far as to buy me a Cookbook by her, for my Birthday. I am a huge birthday person, love them, love to celebrate them, love to make unforgettable cakes for them. After opening this "gift", I held by the corner of the book, afraid to touch it. Almost like one would hold a dead rat by the tail. I proceeded to flip through it and make fun of every recipe. I'm sorry folks, but do you really not know how to make a yogurt parfait? She actually had a recipe for layering store bought yogurt, granola and fruit in a glass. Hello??? For a lot people, all mixed together, it's called "breakfast". Needless to say, I grilled the book practically to ashes and put it on a platter for the to eat. No dinner and a very sucky Birthday that year. I think they learned their lesson.
Now you could be read this and say "oh Kell's just jealous". No jealousy here. Major Annoyance. How does the public get so sucked in, that she now she has lines of knives, and pots and a magazine and show! Every cooking catalog, magazine, major publication has her nappy face on it somewhere. I have heard through the show biz world (My dad is involved) that she has so many rules when you come to see her show. You can't wear certain colors and no prints. No jeans, etc. You can't ask questions pertaining to anything but cooking. It's all about her and her big fucking ego. I guess what erks me the most is that us Little people who went to culinary school, worked our asses off, (and as a woman, was usually the major minority in the all male kitchens.....you'd better be able to keep up in that world, or the big boys will crush you on purpose) made our way up in the kitchen Hierarchy, deserve some credit. What does she have that I don't? I taught cooking classes, I could have a show......I have classical French training!! And yes, I will admit that I do cut corners. Feeding children is completely different. I will buy spaghettios, and Kraft Mac and Cheese. They are kids.....they eat like kids. They will eat some bizarre things for kids, like hummus, Baba ganoush, My daughter can eat an entire piece of prime rib. My 2 years is a cheese connoisseur. Throw a slab of ribs on my daughters plate and it's gone in minutes.
That's my Bitch. The Bitch is ruining all that I love. This blog was created because I just got my favorite Kitchen catalog and low and behold she has invaded another of my favorite spaces. I will say it, and they do have a website for R.R haters.

I. HATE. RACHEL. RAY.
I feel better now, Thanks.

And we have a winner!

2007-10-22T09:34:00.000-04:00

At the end of the LOUDEST and most obnoxious pep rally I've ever been too, Tierney did win princess for her squad. I have to say I am proud.. She did a fantastic job leading the cheers and the dance that night. Congratulations Sweet Girl!!

Being a Mom should not be like high school

2007-10-19T10:25:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this post, because one of my favorite bloggers made a good point about snooty Moms excluding other Moms they don't want to help with a Festival. I thought we left cliques behind in High school. I have found that a lot of Mothers base who they are, or where they stand in the hierarchy of school help, by how much they can take on. Thus making themselves look like supermoms. They are like Fem bots.....Stepford Mothers, if you will. They must think that those of us, who choose to help with things for the sake of our CHILDREN, not our status, are just lame mothers. I'm sorry, but I see it as the reverse. I will admit that I am PTO secretary at my daughters school. The only reason I took that on, is that I don't think the school does enough activities to instill school pride, or activities that help families spend time together. In this fast paced, get it done ASAP age, I think those things are lost. Kids are over scheduled and don't have time for fun. And that's just during the school day! Not to mention, if they like to play a sport, that's additional time. And I say LIKE to play a sport, not be forced to play, because it makes their Mother looks good. " Oh, So and so has piano on Monday, and soccer on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, and swimming on Wednesday, and blah, blah, blah." Do you know what I would LOVE to say someday to one of those Mothers? "Honey, you're not complaining, you're bragging. Do you really think you're creating this well rounded child, or someone who resents you for not allowing them any free time? Come talk to me when they hit the teenage years, and let me know what rehab center they're in, so I can send you an I told-you-so card. Once they can't handle the pressure anymore and resort to some drug that will keep them going constantly, let me hear you brag about the rehab bills, money they stole from you and how you basically have no idea who your child really is." WOULDN'T THAT FEEL FANTASTIC???? They look on their plastic faces would be so priceless, I would be sure to snap a pic with my phone.
Now on the other end, My daughter is a cheerleader. (I wasn't thrilled, trust me.....I was the volleyball, diving, field hockey type.) Tonight is the Pep Rally/ Homecoming. And at the age of 8, they choose a Princess, to follow the homecoming queen. Don't get wrong, I think my daughter deserves to win it. She goes to practices and games, tries her hardest, and doesn't complain. But truthfully, I am praying that she doesn't get it. First off, their coach asked them to vote. At the age of 8, a name should have been pulled from a hat. They don't know who they're voting for!! They're just picking any name they know. I don't want her to win, because I think it promotes that "Popularity" contest. Also, her very best friend is on the squad and I do not want some silly princess title to come between their friendship. And you know damn well it will. Vice Verse if her friend wins. I have told her she should be happy and proud of her friend, but I know, she'll be crushed. No matter how many times she tells me she won't give her friend an attitude, I know she will. Unfortunately, another Mother overheard a coach last night and she seems to think my daughter has won it. I am dreading this evening.....
That's my vent for the day....I'll post what happens tomorrow.
P.s. It's cranberry season! Time to bake! Think cranberries and pears, port, Stilton cheese.....mmmm. I may have to post a recipe.......

One of those days

2007-10-12T18:39:00.000-04:00

I'm just having "one of those days". My 2 year old won't stop whining, (and by whining, I mean screeching at the top of his lungs.) My soon to 8, (going 16 ) year old is pissed off becuase I made her come home from her friends house early. Why did I make her come home??? Because for the second week in a row, my husbands piece-of-crap-car has died, and we need to go get him. While he sits at my parents and drinks beer, I throw together a dinner or pork fried rice and veggie egg rolls and potstickers. Yum! My daughter has my tastes, she loves a wide variety of ethnic foods. Asian being her favorite. My son on the other hand is screaming for M&M's. I am sorry, this restaurant does not serve them for DINNER!!!! I offer a world of his favorites: Hummus, Homemade veggie chips, cheese of assorted flavors, on lovely sesame rice crackers. PB and J for pete's sake!!! Nothing. Don't eat then.

How on earth, does a chef/mom end up with 2 completely different tastes? I guess it's like the battle of the sexes, male vs. female. Bad eater vs. Good eater. Me vs. Them. Tonight me and a glass of red, bold legged wine win. After I drive 40 minutes and put everyone to bed. I don't think this counts as winning.

Winning to me would be peace and quiet. I would even consider using the erotic sense of eating in the dark. (and I mean pitch Black) Simple starter: pumpkin soup with coriander and creme frache. Imagine picking up you spoon, (yes you'd know exactly where it was in the dark!!) and sipping from it, a warm, smooth yet creamy, fall-feeling inducing soup. Imagine not knowing at first, what you where having. Would you be able to tell what it was? Pumpkin is distinct. Coriander.....maybe not. The feeling of Fall, cold weather and Halloween? YES!!! Next course: Crispy fried Duck, wrapped in a warm tortilla with plum sauce, scallions and a hint or orange zest. All sense tingling from the crispy, tart, warm, pungent taste. Eat it, savor it, feel it with your tongue.....in the dark, it would be beyond unique. Remember, you have 1 or your 5 senses has been removed, so your other 4 are heightened almost to orgasmic pleasure. Next would be baked brie. Wrapped in flaky, crispy puff pastry, with Raspberry Coulis drizzled over the brie and and served with simple plain wheat crackers, so that all you taste is the creamy brie and the fruity, tart Raspberry sauce. Finally I would choose and entree that would be simple, yet distinct. Chicken crepes. A smooth Veloute sauce with chopped roasted chicken and medley of veggies. Baked till bubbly and , yet the crepes still crisp. Dessert would be the big finale. Caramel apple pizza with homemade cinnamon ice cream. Hot gooey sweet dough with sliced apples and caramel. Grilled would add to the flavor even more. Would you be able to tell the difference between grilled and baked? Top with creamy ice cream and it would be heaven!!
Okay, now that I have had a fantastic dinner in my head, I'm off to battle with the warriors......Onward!!!!