Thursday, September 18, 2008

It's worth a try....

SO school started on the 8th. By the 10th, my youngest was home sick. BY the 11th, I had it too. What a great way to start the first week of school! I'm still fighting the stuffiness, but feeling better. Life has been CRAZY busy. I thought PTO secretary was going to be an easy, little work job, just like last year. Wrong. Being that I am home all day, I get to take care of the majority of the things that need to be done. Just slap a label on me that says PTO 's Bitch.
I have spent everyday, all day this week being all consumed with this stuff. I know it's for the kids, but I wonder if I could get them foot the bill for my vodka intake everyday....they've driven me to that point, why shouldn't they support my new habit?! It's for a could cause people, ME!!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Isn't this the truth!!!

A friend sent this to me and I was in tears. I'm sure it's made the rounds, but I couldn't help myself. If anything, it's a good lesson for our daughters right?! How many times has this happened, and with kids in the stall?! Have a Good laugh and a Great weekend!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn , you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someones Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

They're gone!

The kids started school yesterday and I cried the whole drive home after dropping off my son. He didn't cry at all. He loves preschool so far, and I am happy for that, but I do miss him. My daughter started the 3rd grade and is very excited. In between all that yesterday, I made this:

Some NJ Supreme Court Circuit Judge was retiring, so My Uncle asked me to make this . (He's a judge too.) I'll get a call to day, to see how it was. A little harder then I thought to add all the details. Live and learn right?!

Friday, September 5, 2008


Can anyone, PLEASE explain this to me?

All but 1 are essentially empty. Husband's excuse is "just in case I run out." What are you going to do SCRAPE the last bit of residue out and spread it on your pits?? If I catch you with items from the kitchen, you'll be banned forever.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


School starts in 4 days. 4 looong days. The reason we're starting so late is that the school took all the in-service days that are sprinkled throughout the year and put them all at the beginning. Um, Thanks for that. Everyone else is back in school and my kids are bored to tears. I'm also watching the same little girl I did last year. Except this year she's even more bratty. She is a child of an ugly divorce and I should feel sorry for her but I don't. She knows how to play the part very well. She sneaky and conniving and I've heard her more then once, trying to co-erse my son into doing something she knows they're not supposed to be doing. It's been 2 days, and am this close to telling her Dad I can't watch her this year. My daughter can't stand her, and is cranky every morning, because she has to get up and deal with this kid. Oh wait, that's me too.
This is also the guy who would take WEEKS, and at times MONTHS to pay me. I'm stuck here. This year I'll be driving the kids to school in the morning, since my son has to be at preschool the same time the girls bus comes. So parents, what would you do? Do I make him sign a contract? Do I tell him no, I can't do it this year? His other option is the early morning program at school. It would cost him $6. Yup that's it. He just doesn't want to go 1 street out of his way. Grrrrr.....I hate starting off the year this way!!!! HELP! Send Ideas and suggestions!