Friday, June 27, 2008

Dear Vodka Fairy.....

Dear Vodka Fairy,
Please, PLEASE allow me to get on a plane next week and NOT freak out. Drown me if you have to before I get on the plane.
Yours dearly, sincerely, desperately and ready with a straw,
Kelly


I used to love to fly. Past tense. USED TO. I flew 2 months after 9/11 and basically had a panic attack. My brother-in-law fed me xanax before the flight, but I was still sweating like a pig and shaking like the vodka fairy died and left me with the Dt's. We were allowed to board the plane early, because I had my daughter with us, who was only 3 at the time. I watched the rest of the passengers board and as each individual past by, these were the conversations in my head:
"Terrorist."
"Terrorists wife"
"Very old Terrorist"
"Has a bomb strapped to him."
"Terrorist."
"Possibly the Federal agent, or a very built terrorist who will take the whole plane down himself."
Ect., Ect.
We are flying to Florida for Jay's oldest brothers wedding on Saturday July 5th. We're flying in on the 2nd, because it's his Mom's B-day. This time, I will be heavily sedated. Tuesday afternoon the kids and I will be going to my parents. My husband will then come pick me up and the kids are going to stay with my parents for the rest of the week. That will be major break down #1. Saying good-bye to them will be so hard. I haven't left both of them for more then a night or 2. NOT 5 days! Then Jay and I will drive up to his brothers in Chester NJ and spend the night. We fly out of Newark at 8:45 and land in West Palm Beach Florida at 11:45. Most likely (or hopefully) I will just put on my iriver and close my eyes, envision me and the vodka fairy splashing in a fountain of vodka and not open my eyes or speak to anyone for the rest of the flight. I am sure that my husband will be doing the same thing!!!
Once we land, we'll wait for His sister and her BF to fly in from Arizona and his Brother from VA, all to land. (magically all within an hour of us!) We had hoped to get a nice mini-van, but ended up with Ford Econo-line van. For the wedding the siblings all have to wear white. We've decided that they're all going to look like the Jones clan, ready to drink the suicidal Kool-aid, as the cult has kicked them out. Or they're going to had out flowers to people. I on the other had got a gorgeous turquoise and brown cocktail dress to wear. It's on the beach and should be gorgeous! It will be a FUN week of partying. This is the first time in 20 years that all 5 siblings will be in the same place at one time. Jay's Mom is besides herself with excitement. She and I get along great. She's an awesome cook and just had a new house built, with an amazing kitchen, so I can't wait to get there and do some cooking with her.
Any who, the flight home will most likely have me in an exhausted/panicked stupor, but still partying to the vodka fairy. I am sure to have LOTS of good blog material after this trip!
Pray to the fairy, god, buddha, mother nature, the clouds, the pilot, and anyone else that might possibly prevent me from freaking out, that I survive the flight. And when I say survive, I mean land peacefully and quietly. Not hear about me on the news, 'cause they had to detour and kick me off. Good times......

7 comments:

someGirl said...

Dear Vodka Fairy,

If you let anything happen to my friend while mid-flight, I will personally make you go to rehab and punish you with a decades worth of AA meetings, CAPICHE?


PS: have a good time....and take lots of pictures!

chefmom said...

somegirl: LMAO!! I'm thinking I should just pack her; Like Peter Pan and Tinkerbell?! I will miss my kids something fierce, but I am SO looking forward to relaxing by the pool at my Mother-in-laws, and just relaxing for a few days! This is one wedding that I don't have to ANYTHING!

Earlene said...

Sounds like it is gonna be a blast! Just drink and don't think. the kids will have a great time with gramma. I remember the good times with my grandchildren. When a negative thought comes up just breathe and cancel the thought.

chefmom said...

Thanks Earlene, I think that is sound advice!!

meleah rebeccah said...

The Vodka Fairy will ensure a lovely flight. Pinky Swear!!

meleah rebeccah said...

LOL @ SomeGirls comment. she is one of the best...

Beth said...

People should read this.