Monday, November 12, 2007

Oh. My. God.

I am still recovering from what had to be the longest night of my life. To start, Friday night I let the cat out of the bag that I had a surprise guest coming. OOpps. In my wine haze, I thought I was being quiet and Tierney was in the other room. That was the first of excited outbursts. We had just finished her requested Birthday dinner of, Grilled London Broil, Sauteed Tilapia with butter, lemon and herbs de provence, Baked asparagus with crumbled Blue cheese, and Great-Grandmas Baked Macaroni and cheese. (She totally chose this all herself!)

I made sure the surprise guest was coming an hour earlier then everyone else, so T and her friend would have some time to catch up. (she is from where we used to live)The MINUTE Tierney opened her eyes Saturday morning, she wanted to know How many hours until she came. This went on all day, with her announcing every hour how much time was left. Starting to lose my mind at this point. The rest of the guests were coming at 5. At 3:30, I chose to have a relaxing, lets-get-this-over-with glass of wine. At 4 Nina arrived, and Her very cool Mom had brought us another bottle of wine!! Yea! We were off to a good start. At exactly 5, one after another they marched in, bouncing off the walls. Moms left phone numbers, were they would be (of course they were all running for the hills, laughing at me) and poof were gone. More wine. We ordered pizza in the midst of the yelling and running and torturing the 2 year old. A quick flurry of gift opening and then the first argument. One of the girls had brought a game that nobody knew how to play, and my son wanted to take the pieces and run. She pouted for about an hour. I have no patience for that kind of drama. I very nicely told her it would be a long night, if she kept it up and she was welcome to go home, if she was that mad. (I'm really good friends with her Mom, so I knew I could torture her.) After a very short silence, while pizza was being inhaled, ( and oh my god, how do 5 girls eat 2 whole pizzas?) we moved on to what may have been my stupidest idea of the evening. I was going to to teach them cake decorating. Armed with Pastry bags, tons of sprinkles, and 2 dozen cupcakes, we were off.

I tried, I really did. A few made roses with my help, and then they all moved on to sprinkles. Needless to say, there was a carpet of sprinkles on the kitchen floor within minutes.

Here is T trying to make a rose:

Here is my Husband LOSING his mind with all the sprinkles everywhere.

I nipped the project in the bud as quickly as possible. Got them all into her room, put on a movie and though we were on our way to relaxing. Wrong. There were 3 very strong personalities there and they just fought over every little bit of attention. At this point my husband had taken my son to our room to try and get him to sleep with all the noise. He NEVER came back out. I thought that dirty rat had bailed on me and had left me to sink or swim!!!! Little did I know that every time they jumped or screamed they woke my son. I was starting to lose it. I made popcorn, two got into an argument and 1 decided to go home. (The pouter from earlier, who I didn't expect to make through the night anyway.) Made the call, and she was gone. Drama over and down 1. They finally started to settled down around 11, and another cam out crying. Every time she closed her eyes, she thought of her mom. Her mom had gone to a concert, so her Uncle was on Stand-by, but she didn't want to go there because it was boring. I nicely explained that she'd just end up going right to sleep anyway if she went there. She decided to go back in the room with the girls and was back out within a half an hour. Ninny me said, let's get your pillow and you can try to fall asleep here on the couch. I'll stay right here with you. 12, 12:30 and she finally fell asleep. At this point, I couldn't move her. I admit to having a few glasses of wine and figured, I'd walk into the room, trip on all the other girls, drop her, go down myself, and all hell would break loose. So what do I do???? I decide to sleep upright in the chair next to her!! at 3:30, I was still awake. At 4 I tried the floor. At 4:30, I gave up. I was worried that she'd wake up and have a moment of panic. The "where am I" fear.

I went to bed, and at 5 am, minutes after I had fallen asleep, our STUPID 25 lb. cat named "Tinkerbell" was scratching at our door. I finally gave up. Let her in, slept for an hour and everyone was up and ready for bacon, sausage and pancakes at 6. So, let's rehash........I slept for AN HOUR!!! I made breakfast, and had stupidly told parents pick up was 10 am, thinking the girls would sleep late, having been up late. They were done eating by 8:15 and proceeded to make a huge pile of pillows and blankets in the middle of my daughters floor and jump from her bed to the pile. I popped a xanax, sat down with my coffee and counted the minutes until I could sleep. My husband, who was in bed with my son at 8:30 said, oh you can just go to bed when everyone leaves, I'll take care of everything today. Everyone left and what does he do...???? "oh, can I just blow out the gutters really fast?" and then "Can I mow really fast?". That turned into a disaster, the mower wasn't working he came in the house, tried to reach something on the highest shelf in the laundry room, and proceeded to pull the entire shelf down. He ran out the door and left me, almost in tears cleaning up. (The neighbor was outside trying to "help". Idiots. FINALLY at 1 pm, I dragged myself to the bed and crashed. Of course Mommy can't nap ALONE, so my 2 year old slept with me. When he woke up I just yelled for someone to come get him and I went back to sleep. I still don't think I have recovered.....



meleah rebeccah said...

Okay. I am sorry, but I laughed through 99% of this post.

I laughed the whole time except for when your husband freaked out about the sprinkles. I would have been following the girls around cleaning up after them too.

Are you crazy with a 10 am pick up? Oh hell no. 9 am the LATEST.

At least you had good wine!!

chefmom said...

I am so glad you found this so funny!! LOL! Yes, my husband had the broom in hand at the sound of the first sprinkle hitting the floor. He even had them all shake out their socks, to get all the sprinkles off. I thought he was going to lose his mind! I should have said 9, and stupidly, When I said they were all done early, every Mom said "oh you should have called, I would have come and gotten her". Who does that?! Yes, Thank goodness for wine.....and xanax!

meleah rebeccah said...

Yep. I just refilled my xanax for moving day / week / month.

I plan on being sedated the first 30 days I am living there!

chefmom said...

LOL, Smart move!! Sedation=Sanity is my Motto!

someGirl said...

OH. MY. GOD. is right on the money

Holy Jeebus, I would have snapped and kicked everyone out....Who am I kidding? I would have just run away and checked into a nice hotel and slept till it was Christmas.

I equally hate sprinkles and glitter...Why God, why? All I know is that you got at least 4 different daughter-free weekends coming to you. According to the Mommy Code of Ethics, sleepovers MUST be reciprocated. Failure to comply will lead to biological warfare (i.e.: my kids will spread their cold germs all over your house!)

meleah rebeccah said...

SomeGirl's comment is hilarious.

chefmom said...

Somegirl....I too would have snapped if it hadn't been for the wine! Once my HUsband disappeared with my son, I was really losing it. Leaving me to stand on my own two feet against 5 young girls. It's equal to throwing me to the wolves! I am in TOTAL agreement with the Mommy code of ethics. I no only deserve daughter free weekends, I deserve KID free weekends. He can deal with an 8 and a 2 year old. (He'd never survive) Unfortunately, resorting to biological warfare backfires on me. HE becomes (as all men do) the BIGGEST baby when he is sick. The slightest sniffle and he's dying of the plague. I would personally rather have myself and the kids all sick at the same time, then have only him sick. I am attempting to plan some evenings out for Holiday shopping...maybe I'll leave a nice craft project with glitter....His biggest nemesis of all! (insert evil laugh here)

someGirl said...

"HE becomes (as all men do) the BIGGEST baby when he is sick."

Geez...All men are like that. They revert to their days of needing their mommy...For pete's sake I have enough issues seeing my self as a "wife", throwing a mommie-complex into the mix is just asking for a divorce!