Monday, November 5, 2007

I am going to Bitch....

I have since the day I saw her, hated her cheeky, round unbelievably annoying face. I hate the way she speaks, I hate the way she abbreviates everything or makes up some stupid word, that's in every commercial she is in. As I walk down the supermarket aisles now, She god awful grin is staring me in the face. I now boycott any product she promotes. And damn it, I like the iced coffee, but she ruined it for me. Her name is so hard for me to even write, let alone say. The Bitches name is RRRR.....Rachel. Ray. There are many reasons that I despise her. She has no professional training. She did work in a deli or something growing up, and her Mom was in the food industry somehow. The only reason I know these stupid facts are that my family thinks it is HYSTERICAL to send me links, pictures, articles etc. about her. About 2 years ago, they even went so far as to buy me a Cookbook by her, for my Birthday. I am a huge birthday person, love them, love to celebrate them, love to make unforgettable cakes for them. After opening this "gift", I held by the corner of the book, afraid to touch it. Almost like one would hold a dead rat by the tail. I proceeded to flip through it and make fun of every recipe. I'm sorry folks, but do you really not know how to make a yogurt parfait? She actually had a recipe for layering store bought yogurt, granola and fruit in a glass. Hello??? For a lot people, all mixed together, it's called "breakfast". Needless to say, I grilled the book practically to ashes and put it on a platter for the to eat. No dinner and a very sucky Birthday that year. I think they learned their lesson.
Now you could be read this and say "oh Kell's just jealous". No jealousy here. Major Annoyance. How does the public get so sucked in, that she now she has lines of knives, and pots and a magazine and show! Every cooking catalog, magazine, major publication has her nappy face on it somewhere. I have heard through the show biz world (My dad is involved) that she has so many rules when you come to see her show. You can't wear certain colors and no prints. No jeans, etc. You can't ask questions pertaining to anything but cooking. It's all about her and her big fucking ego. I guess what erks me the most is that us Little people who went to culinary school, worked our asses off, (and as a woman, was usually the major minority in the all male kitchens.....you'd better be able to keep up in that world, or the big boys will crush you on purpose) made our way up in the kitchen Hierarchy, deserve some credit. What does she have that I don't? I taught cooking classes, I could have a show......I have classical French training!! And yes, I will admit that I do cut corners. Feeding children is completely different. I will buy spaghettios, and Kraft Mac and Cheese. They are kids.....they eat like kids. They will eat some bizarre things for kids, like hummus, Baba ganoush, My daughter can eat an entire piece of prime rib. My 2 years is a cheese connoisseur. Throw a slab of ribs on my daughters plate and it's gone in minutes.
That's my Bitch. The Bitch is ruining all that I love. This blog was created because I just got my favorite Kitchen catalog and low and behold she has invaded another of my favorite spaces. I will say it, and they do have a website for R.R haters.

I. HATE. RACHEL. RAY.
I feel better now, Thanks.

9 comments:

someGirl said...

OOOOOO!!!! That was great!!!

Now I have a confession...My little Sofia LOVES & ADORES Rachel Ray!! She has serious dreams about going to culinary school because of her...So sorry. However, I put my foot downs and said "No. Not until after medical school..."

My opinion: She's soooo over exposed. In the begining, her allure WAS her lack of "fanciness"...but now it's just boring and BLAH. The fact that a 7 year old can follow and memorize her "meals" is an indication of the training she's had. I let Sofia watch only because I HATE everything else thats on TV that supposed to be for her age (I wanna light Hannah Montana's face on fire with a blow torch and a can of aerosol hairspray...grrrr!)

Anywho, is it just me, or do you see a resemblance between Rachel Ray and The Joker?? Jus' sayin'...

That was a great rant...I VOTE FOR THE KELLY COOKING SHOW!!

someGirl said...

...sorry for any misspellings:)

chefmom said...

I will forgive Sofia, only because she is adorable and had a VERY creative Halloween costume ;) I agree no Culinary school until after Medical school. And really it's not anything like the TV shows. It's crass, raunchy, the pay is pretty poor until you work you're way up, and yes some Head chefs are just like Gordan Ramsey. (I had one that threw plates). I see R.R.'s attraction because for people who are culinary challenged, it's easy stuff. Don't deny Sofia the food channel, there are some great shows. I love Alton Brown becuase he breaks food down to a science. I love the food challenges...tell her to watch the gingerbread one this year, it's fantastic! I would love to have a show....except I'm one of those chefs that likes a little while for the pot and a lot for me....a little vodka for the pasta sauce and alot for me. I'd be hammered by the end of the show. I can honestly say I have never watched Hannah Montana and for the exact reason you wrote. I also can't stomach her father!! And YES Rachel Ray looks exactly like The Joker!!! LMAO!!
p.s. check out my new site:
www.fortheloveofcakenj.com

chefmom said...

I can't spell either...I meant WINE for the pot....

Lauren said...

I still think that you should have a t.v show with a helper (me) because you would need someone to help you prep (me) and to boss around (me) and to pour the drinks (you pouring for me) and to just add a great atmosphere to the show (me) and to keep you from freezing the moment the camera rolls (me) and to catch you when you pass out because you cut your finger trying to slice a bagel (dad). HAHAHAHA.

chefmom said...

You suck! I need liquid courage to be in front of the camera! And Mom wasn't helping y making faces at me, everytime I stuttered or forgot what to say!. And don't even get me started on the finger cutting babe....I do recall getting a phone call last week that you did the same thing. Nice try #1 sister!

meleah rebeccah said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

yeah...um... HOW can ONE person always be THAT happy?

Big deal? She can do some fancy tricks with a Ritz cracker...she is ANNOYING already.

GREAT RANT / POST.

chefmom said...

Thanks Meleah! Don't even get me started on the Ritz cracker thing!!! I'm starting to think she's not that happy all the time..she must just down a "cafe-mocha-latte-vodka-valium-xanax-cocktail" every time she's on camera. Then she pastes on her Joker smile and squeaks out whatever annoying phrase pops into her empty head. I'm just loveing that phrase...I can't stop laughing at it or using it...I especially loved your picture to go with it!

meleah rebeccah said...

HAHAHAHA... Yes, she is walking version of a medicated individual!