Friday, March 7, 2008

Life with kids 1,2 and 3

Okay, so I only have 2, but I'm guilty of a lot of these things. I just thought this was a riot, because it really is true!

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborns clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!


Michael C said...

First, first, first, first.
Woo Hoo!!

Michael C said...

...and second, too!!
I'll take your word for this one. Our first pregnancy ended with twins

chefmom said...

HAHAHAHA! It must have been nice to get a 2 for 1 deal!

Michael C said...

So far, but I know there are some pretty big bills down the road. And they are so dang inseparable that I know they will want to have a mega-combined wedding!!

AndreAnna said...

This was great! And so true. And is it sad that a lot of the things for the third baby are ringing true for my second?

meleah rebeccah said...

I only have ONE baby, but the effects of baby two and three are quite possibly WHY I only have ONE! xxoo

Very Funny.

chefmom said...

Michael: I forgot about that part. I may be old and decreped (sp?) by then, but I'll happy cut you a deal on a wedding cake!!

Andreanna: That's why I posted it...I'm so guilty of many of the thrid child things. He dropped his binky on the bleachers at my daughter's soccer game the other day, and the woman he was sitting with looked at me like "what should I do?". I looked at, saw that it hadn't picked up anything nasty and said "he's kid number #2, I know germs won't kill him" and plopped it back in his mouth. Horrible Mother!

Meleah: HAHA! It's a good reason!!!

meleah rebeccah said...

yep. I am vain like that!