Friday, April 25, 2008

The Fish Killer

I feel like telling a little story this morning. Just to torture someone near and dear to me, My Masochistic sister L.

As a child L had a fish tank in her room. I can't remember what type of fish she started with, perhaps this is because she went through so damn many. She had a good sized tank and could fit a number of fish it in.
One particular type of fish was long and thin and dark. Sort of reminded me of anchovies, for some reason. Looking back now, that fact makes sense. She watched and fed the fish, and one Day she realized that the school looked a little smaller. Hmm....1,2,3,4,5,6,7....Where was #8? How bizarre! We looked and looked and could not figure out where this fish had magically disappeared to. My parents were baffled. Cannibals? No, that couldn't be. A few days go by, and the fish were still disappearing occasionally. Odd. Finally, a few weeks later, there were NO FISH. How had the last once disappear? Poor kid. We had no other pets. Possibly a Husky around that time, but he stayed outside.
One day, my Mom walks into my sister room and realized it stunk!!! She looks and can't find anything. Now, the fish tank was still running, so it was clean and ready for the next round of fish. My Mother finally pulls out the dresser that the fish tank is on, and there lying on the floor are 8 fish. 8 dried, nasty fish. 8 very suicidal fish. My sister was now classified as a official fish killer. Killing them by making them so miserable, that they committed a double suicide by jumping out the back of the tank to a slow miserable, air gasping death.
Over the years, she has other fish. they don't last long. I've come to believe that she's either A) A Crazy Fish Killer, or B)She is determined to keep fish alive, if it kills her. I prefer to think of the latter.
My Mother on the other hand, had gotten a Beta (Japanese fighting fish). They don't usually last very long. My mother's lasted for years. This winter my parents went on a 10 day cruise and asked my sister to feed and check on the fish.
The last time they left my sister to take care of an animal while they were away, It died. Our adorable (very old) rabbit. Agador Sparticus, was his name. My sister calls me from the house and claims to have found a stiff-as-a-board-rabbit. I wasn't surprised.
Onto caring for the fish during the cruise. She said if this (through in a few choice curse words) FISH died on her watch, she was NOT responsible. The fish barely swam around, and half the time, you had to poke it, to make sure it was still alive.
That fish did not move all week. Frozen, in the center of the bowl. He had to have known that the Crazy Fish Killer, was taking care of him. She was freaked out all week.
She moved in with her boyfriend and they got a fish tank. Looking back now, I should have warned him. She has fish now. And every few weeks, I get a call. " I know the response I'm going to get, but another fish died." I sympathize by by laughing OUT LOUD.
Yesterday my phone rings and it's her. She's at a friend's house. "I just want to let you know another fish died." Silence. I'm choking back the laughter, and finally bust out. She had put me on speaker phone, so that they could hear me laughing hysterically at her. "See, the torture I get from her?!" I laughed and laughed and never apologized for laughing.
I did however make a major note to myself: 'Never, leave kids alone with Auntie for more then a day......'

10 comments:

meleah rebeccah said...

hahahahahahahahah


you sister IS a Crazy Fish Killer

The Beginning of the Middle of the End said...

I cannot believe you brought up Agador! He was insanely old, I had been in colorado with them for a WHOLE week (yes I am pointing out that you got the story wrong) So I come home (with strep so SEVERE that I was out of work for another week)to find a dead rabbit out in the cold, no food, and stiff as a board. I seem to recall SOMEONE was supposed to be stopping by to paint the stairs and check on poor (buried in the back yard) Agador. And at least your children can feed themselves, so they'd be ok for at LEAST a couple of days.

The Beginning of the Middle of the End said...

I'm sorry, I forgot to add...
Love, your Crazy Fish Killer (but at least Ron will get rid of the bodies) Sister L

chefmom said...

Meleah: Isn't she though?!! I had to pick on her.

L: That was an entirely different Colorado trip. Agador died when it was hot and raining. Remember, Pet cemetary in the rain? Who knows...too many cursed Colorado trips....

chefmom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chefmom said...

Hmm, I've comeback to contest this agruement sister of mine! I recall having sand, paint and stencil a flight of stairs. I DID check on the rabbit, who by the way, was living everytime I saw him. I don't care how long you were with him...my version is better, and you my dear, are a Crazy Animal Killer. Although my adorable dog did like you today...you still could be a death merchant though!

meleah rebeccah said...

hahahahahaah


these comments are HYSRERICAL

The Beginning of the Middle of the End said...

Even if I wind up being a death merchant, at least I can't kill things by pointing at them and saying Kitty!!! LOL

Momo Fali said...

Holy mackerel!

meleah rebeccah said...

pssst....where you at?